A year ago, I met this really great girl at university and we quickly became very close. It seemed to me that we were proceeding towards a relationship. 

However, once we both graduated, things changed. She moved back to her parents’ place and, although we remained in contact almost every day, she met someone else and they began dating.

She’s recently become single again and I’d like to try to pursue something more with her. But I’m not sure how to go about it.

I’m 25 and I’ve never had a girlfriend before, so I’m very shy, but I don’t want to let this girl get away again.

I know we’d be great together and that she really cares for me quite a bit, I just need to spend more time with her so that I can truly come out of my shell and, at the same time, I want her to know how I feel.

- Still Hoping and Planning

Be a Latin Lover she can’t resist, and “Carpe Diem” – meaning, “Seize the day!” Valentine’s Day is a perfect excuse for sending flowers, which she’s bound to appreciate. Send a message of wanting to see her again… not too mushy or sounding needy, something like, “Hoping to hear your fun laugh again, soon!” 

Then, call and arrange something simple for a get-together, rather than a serious date: try going for coffee, skating, a walk. Do something like this a couple of times until you’re both relaxed together.

Then, say openly that you’d like to try dating again but this time you want to take it slowly, make no assumptions, and both talk about what could or should be different from last time.

This will show that you’re not expecting to slip back into a relationship that may’ve worked at school but needs to grow rather than be same-old.

What do you think about family members taking time out’s from each other, for a couple of months or longer? 

My daughter (25) and I continue to push each other’s buttons, resulting in frustration/hurt/anger and not wanting to be around each other. This causes everyone in the family to be tense at family get-togethers.

We know that we have issues with each other and that we need to forgive each other for the past – but we have no idea where to start to get off this merry-go-round.

Meanwhile, we’ve decided on a time-out of not seeing/speaking to each other just for some space to think about how to handle this. We both want a loving/supportive relationship with each other, but we don't know how to move past our hurt feelings and start fresh.

Suggestions?

- Wit’s End

Whatever works would be a decent start, but unfortunately the time-out strategy isn’t designed for solving problems. It’s just a cooling off period for pent-up emotions, and that’s why it helps youngsters who are too young to control their feelings when they’re overtired or enraged. Serious issues and past hurts don’t get resolved by silence. 

However, if both of you were to use the time-out period to get professional guidance to explore why you react to each other so negatively, and to probe those old wounds, it’s a wise and courageous beginning.

THEN, if both of you agree to have some joint counselling, to form practical strategies for re-connecting without falling into the old patterns, the whole process would be a remarkable journey of self-discovery as well as mature reconciliation.

I’m 43, and live alone now, divorced for 10 years; it was a very bad ending with my ex, who was charged with assaulting me. 

My problem is how to find a “special person.” Would it be a bad thing to do a background check if and when I get involved with someone?

The men I got involved with before, were also seeing other woman in the same way, and that hurt a lot.

- Wary

Being wary isn’t enough; you need to develop skills at cutting through the chat and picking up the clues, to assure yourself that a potential companion is available, honest and sincere. 

And you need to take time to get to know someone well, before getting involved.

If your instinct says, get a background check, you’ve probably already smelled a rat.

But if you’re dealing with internet dates, and feel unsure, a background check will certainly help.