I’m 32, dating a girl, 22, for over two years. She recently initiated a three-month break-up which I understood as we’d had some bad times, though more were good. 

She later reached out to get back together. At our first meeting, we cleared up a lot and our feelings are the same if not stronger. But her parents are against our getting back together – they even bought her a puppy to forget about me. There was never a parent issue before.

This newfound hatred of me has been tearing us both up – with their constant negative input and criticism. She still lives at home, and is in depression over this, rude and resentful towards me because of the way her parents are treating her.

I’m torn between loving her and leaving her, to end the stress.

- Crossroads

If you’re in this for the long-term and feel your mutual love is strong, go talk to her parents. It’s likely that during the break-up, she revealed the “bad times.” 

The puppy is a symbol of their concern – a lovable comfort they felt she needed. When you talk to them, also listen. They may be worried their daughter’s still too inexperienced to make a lasting commitment.

Besides promising to care for her and work out any negative issues, you may need to negotiate a plan they can accept. Example: You two take a further break for several more months; or one or both of you gets counselling for whatever was the main problem you had.

Her parents are obviously a major influence, so it’s best to get on side with them.

My husband asked for a divorce a year ago, saying that I created too much havoc. 

I found a new job, moved to a new town with my children, bought a new house, started a new life. But I’d discovered he’d been having an eight-year affair with a co-worker, even taking her on dates with our children while I was away working.

I said I’d help repair his relationship with our children, if he quit drinking (he was a black-out raging alcoholic), get therapy, come clean with his family and stop seeing her. He did all of it except he won’t go to therapy.

He’s now asked if he can date her. I don’t care who he dates, just not her.

I’ve met someone who treats me well and I don’t want my ex back, so why can’t I let him be with her?

I know it’s a disaster waiting to happen, and our children (early teens) would then find out about the cheating. They’re just starting to trust their dad again.

I don’t want her at family events, or near my kids.

Also, he says he wants to get back together with me, even though he always loved her more.

I’m NOT going back.

- Am I Wrong to Refuse?

You can’t live a new life while trying to control the old one. Your only connections with your ex-husband now, should be those of a co-parent. 

He’s made many positive changes. Who he dates is now his business – and there’s no guarantee that other women will be to your liking.

Talk with him about the best interests of the children. If he and this woman start afresh, they can avoid references to their old affair – especially if you don’t feed them negative stories.

Kids want their father in their lives. Back off.

My friend’s boyfriend is very kind and overly generous; he buys all sorts of expensive gifts, and even tried to give her a car that was meant for him! 

My friend loves him, but feels too uncomfortable to accept such expensive gifts. Whenever she gives something back, he’ll just buy her something more costly.

- What To Do?

Tell her to sing the song from the classic Broadway musical, Guys and Dolls – “Take back your mink/take back your pearls/what made you think/that I was one of those girls.” It’s an old-fashioned take on someone who, today, uses money to buy eye candy: Her. 

More than love, he wants her total dependency on him, for all these goodies, And to have her wear/display his gifts as a sign of his achievement.

She has to tell him firmly and finally, that over-the-top presents are inappropriate, and are having the opposite effect… they’re pushing her away.