My boyfriend has been separated from his wife for two years; we’ve lived together these last two years.
He says he loves me and will marry me some day.
He won’t move on a divorce yet, and he keeps calling me “her” name.

- Annoyed

Neither of you left any time for her scent to disappear from the air, let alone her name. You rushed into the living arrangement with only a vague promise; now, you’re the one who has to get practical.
Without his divorce, your position is uncertain. Ask yourself how long you’re willing to accept that. Tell him you want to discuss a reasonable time frame for cutting off the past (other than responsibilities to children and support issues) and looking to the future.
Once that’s settled, call him “Buster,” till he gets your name straight.

My fiancé and I have summer jobs where we cannot see one another for two to three months – just a few hours when one visits, never more than 24 hours.
Feelings of sadness, anger, and depression affect us both; we can only talk on the phone for a few minutes a day.
I’ve asked my fiancé that this be the last summer we do this. Neither of us need this summer employment: we could stay at home and be together.
Am I being unreasonable for asking her to change this job opportunity, or is it justified?

- Lonely Guy

This is a no-brainer… unless, there’s something else involved in the job. IF this employment is important to your careers, or provides unusual experiences, then it matters whether both of you are getting these benefits from it, or only one.
Discuss this as a couple, not as individuals: Even great salaries or unique adventures are sometimes not worth the pain and losses of separation. If what’s blocking a change is a wide divergence in what these jobs mean to each of you, then a compromise may be needed, such as one takes the job and the other visits frequently.

My husband is the only son; every special occasion, we leave our calendar “free” in case his parents decide to join us. However, we usually get an excuse… it’s too windy, too cold, too hot, not sure how they’ll feel, etc.
They’re fine with us coming to their home, but not the other way around (we live 15 minutes away).
When my husband called his father (83) to ask what he’d like to do for Father’s Day - offering options such as lunch, dinner, going fishing - his Dad rejected all because my husband’s ex-wife (divorced 14 years) and her new husband might visit. My husband was truly hurt - he despises this woman but she keeps showing up at his parent’s house.
How can parents be so insensitive? What can I do to help him?

- Frustrated in Kingston

Ignore the ex, empathize with these elderly parents. Plan further ahead and tell them what to expect – you’ll be happy to share these special days with them, but if they choose not to, you need to know in advance. Don’t accept last minute silly excuses, but also be flexible about where and when you get together.
If it’s “windy,” pick them up; but if they’re not feeling 100 per cent, go there for a short visit instead.
If your guy had a long marriage, it’s not unreasonable that his family occasionally sees his ex. Focus on ways to get together, not on what’s keeping you apart.

We’re a lesbian couple together for one year; I’m an occupational therapist in my early-30s, my partner is in IT, and 26. Our parents met and seemed to accept the situation, till we announced we’re moving to the west coast.
Now my partner’s father acts awkward around us, and often goes out when he knows we’ll visit.
I feel my partner should be speaking to him, but she says we should let it pass.

- Feeling Rejected

Father and daughter are BOTH letting you down, as well as each other, by not talking about this. She needs to ask her dad directly what’s bothering him – he may be sad that she’s moving, or worried about her.
She needs to reassure him of her love for him, and of her ability to look after herself. Then, she must assert that you are part of the family, and his absences are rude and hurtful.