I've been dating a woman for 1.5 years. I'm 29, she's 36, and I made the unnecessary mistake of telling her that my ex and I used to live in my current apartment. (I told her nothing else about my ex).
My girlfriend absolutely refuses to visit my place. I have to go to her place, regardless of whether it's inconvenient, especially when I'm working the next morning, and have to bring clothes or go home to change, etc. This is true even on days when she has nothing to do and it would be ideal for her to stay at my place.
I've raised this issue with her as I feel that the arrangements are unfair. In return, I get a haranguing about how insensitive I am to have the gall to ask her to come to my place, as if it were "cursed."
I've even considered moving, but besides the fact that the moving costs would be prohibitive, I'm becoming resentful that I should have to consider making such a change in my life to accommodate her views, which I view as extreme.
Is there some legitimacy in my claim, or am I being insensitive?
- CURSED HOME
It's an open-and-shut case of your either having to ditch the girlfriend or give up the apartment.
Whether you're "insensitive" or correct to feel she's unfair isn't the point.
She's unreasonable and obstinate, and has managed to hold her ground for this long. If you love her, that's the point which you have to recognize and learn to handle: She fights to the finish.
Moving elsewhere will solve this one issue, but be prepared that, unless
she's willing to compromise on other disputes, you'll always face her stubborn, argumentative style.
It's time to think through what you can live with, and whom, more than where you'll live.
I met the man of my dreams seven months ago, we're deeply in love. Things progressed quickly and I moved into his place one month ago but he's been having a hard time with it.
He never complains, but when I ask him how he's REALLY doing, he gets emotional and says he's not sure he can live with someone. He says he thinks he should be able to get over the things that bother him, because our future means so much to him - but he's not sure that he can.
He's never had a girlfriend before, and has lived independently for 25 years. He's very clean and likes things a certain way.
I KNOW he loves me and wants to have a family with me, but now he doubts he can.
I've been stressed out as I'm not sure how to improve things, and can't bear the thought of losing him.
Are we doomed?
- In Love
You'd both do well to go to couples' counselling soon to discuss your different expectations and needs regarding a shared life. This may be just an adjustment period, but you can't risk assuming he'll change, only to have to break off months later.
His clean, neat ways may be a habit you can help him maintain; and/or hiring some cleaning help may ease any tension between you on this matter.
By exploring together why he finds the orderliness of his home environment so important that he'd end the relationship, you may both learn a great deal about yourselves and your chances for a happy future together.
My husband of 12 years and I recently separated. We're still living together as his new home won't be ready for two months.
He's joined an on-line dating service and has been corresponding with several women. He has plans to meet one of them tomorrow.
I'm not happy and think he should move out immediately; the house is now in my name only.
He thinks I should "just move on."
What do you think?
Pack his computer and his clothes. Mr. Tasteless can "move on" as he suggests you do, to a short-term rental apartment or hotel, it's no longer your concern.
He's either trying to punish/annoy you or he lacks judgment and common sense.
Either way, you should not have to be witness to his new lifestyle as a dating single, especially so soon after years of marriage together.
He's clearly made his actions obvious to you and wants some reaction, so give him one.
Say "Bye Bye."
Tip of the day:
When one partner won't compromise, be prepared that tough issues will always lead to pitched battles.