Two weeks ago, my son, 22, slept at the home of my nephew, 20, and his parents.

The brother of my nephew's girlfriend also stayed over. I’m unsure if she was there too.

My nephew later confessed to drinking eight tequila shots, the girl’s brother (underage) had five or six, and my son had two or three.

My sister-in-law initially accused the youngest boy of peeing in her oven. He’d slept in the bathroom tub and she said there was vomit.

In the morning, she saw wet footprints from the bathroom to the stove and the oven was open.

Later, when the oven was turned on, there was an extremely bad smell like urine.

They asked my son for a urine sample to prove her accusation of the other boy. My son willingly gave it to them. This occurred three days later.

We didn't hear anything till two weeks after the sleepover.

My brother and his wife accused my son of being the culprit.

They’d done their own “smell” test at home – comparing his urine to "everyone else." But the previously accused boy had denied doing it, so they may not have had his urine.

(My nephew and his girlfriend broke up since).

The urine comparison was probably just between their son and mine.

They live in an apartment with only one bathroom, other than their private one.

They claimed that my son’s a sleepwalker who doesn't realize he did it. He's not, nor has ever been, a sleepwalker!

It likely was the girlfriend’s brother, given that he was extremely drunk and the footprints came from the bathroom where he slept.

Online research shows that urine degrades quickly if unrefrigerated and smells very bad. My son’s sample would've also smelled very bad after almost a week.

Besides, the urine of any person varies from day to day.

I'm extremely hurt that they’re accusing my son without evidence. They said that doing proper testing would be too expensive.

How do we handle this? I find it hard to forgive, especially when he gave them the urine sample in good faith that they’d prove it wasn't him.

He had the least to drink of anyone there.

If it were anyone other than family I’d just move on and not have them in my life any more.

Betrayed

Three young drunk guys and a defiled oven: Who’s to blame?

Everyone – some then, some still.

First reaction required: Clean the oven!

This should’ve been demanded of all three young men.

Next action: Parents who accept that their own son and companions can get stupid drunk and let an underage drinker do the same, need a hard look at themselves.

That night, it was the oven that got abused.

Another night, it could be anything… or anyone.

Both sets of parents have missed using this bizarre event for a much-needed reality-check discussion.

These young men will rarely just drink at home. They will drink at pubs, bars, clubs, etc. And if they get so drunk, they get disoriented, who knows what could happen.

The consequences could be serious. Tests on body fluids get done professionally when there’s a harmful incident. There’s no escaping responsibility.

As a mother and family member, you’re naturally upset. So, turn this around to what matters.

It’s not about who peed, once the oven has been scoured clean.

It’s about the destructive force of excess alcohol intake, including:

Foul behaviour, abuse of people and property, broken relationships, and nasty accusations.

Your two families should work together on this crucial life lesson for careless young men.

A neighbor couple never invites us over or sits with us at community events, yet keeps sending their child to our house without asking ahead.

He shows up at dinnertime, too.

They even asked us to bring him on a day trip with us (we have a newborn).

They only invite my daughter over when they have visitors - probably wanting their kid out of their hair.

They asked us to pick him up from daycare and keep him until they come home after a night work meeting.

How do I create boundaries without creating enemies?

Too Much

Start immediately.

Tell your neighbor that since neither of you want your children rejected, you both must message/call first to see if a visit’s okay.

If they make what’s clearly a babysitting request, offer the name of someone you’ve used and trusted, or else insist it’s an exchange and set a date for your child’s visit.