I'm female, with my partner for two and a half years. We've had issues over compromising, working together, communicating.

But we love each other. We're just completely opposite, with EVERYTHING.
I’m very emotionally in touch with myself, and people. I love and care for everyone I contact, and try to help him or her.

I'm a nurturing person. I like to have fun, make people happy.

She, by contrast, is very aggressive, strong-willed, it’s her way or the highway. She doesn't treat me as her equal, girlfriend, or partner. She sometimes speaks to me very crudely. When I’ve complained, she says to stop over-analyzing everything.

She's said that I have embarrassed her because I’m the life of the party.

We’ve recently gotten back together after a month’s separation, when she slept with someone else. I didn't do anything but talk to another person.

I was hurt because she cheated. She told me to get over it, she and the other woman would remain friends, but I couldn't be friends with the woman I spoke to.

Am I settling? I’m sick of being belittled and treated as without value. If you love someone, is there a breaking point?

Conflicted

You’re past the breaking point. Your pride in being a nurturer is wasted on her. She doesn’t want to be nurtured - she wants to be obeyed.

Your differences may’ve initially attracted you both, but you can’t live together.

For your sake, you shouldn’t. Being belittled constantly damages self-confidence, and overall emotional health.

I strongly recommend you move on from this relationship. You’d also benefit from talking to a counselor about your need to take care of “everyone.” It’s time you learned, in a non-aggressive way unlike your partner, to take care of you.

My mother died 17 years ago when my sisters and I were very young. My older sister and I took over the cooking, cleaning, and care of our younger sibling.

Our father worked a lot. Five years ago, he underwent bypass surgery and suddenly he’s so needy, helpless, and refuses to recover.

He uses sickness to gain attention from everyone.

My older sister’s married with two kids. I’m also married. We try our best to balance career, family life, and caring for him.

Our younger sister wants no part of it. But it’s so difficult, when my father behaves as if we’re obligated to take care of him, and he constantly puts us down.

He’ll call us to buy his groceries, bring him food, pay his bills, and take him to appointments, with no appreciation. He’ll complain to relatives that nobody takes care of him. They think we’re terrible children.

If we deny a request, he stops answering our calls for weeks until he needs something.

Tired and Drained

You and your involved sister must preserve your energies and personal family lives. Call a meeting with your husbands present, and decide what you can afford in the way of outside help.

Some community agencies provide homemakers’ help. Also his doctor/hospital may know how to access visiting homemakers. This will relieve some of the burden.

Once that’s arranged, call a family meeting with the relatives who matter to you. Detail the realities of what you’ve been doing up till now, and ask if any of them can provide a regular visiting period on which you can send in groceries, or they can cook, or do whatever’s needed.

There’s no guilt here, because you won’t leave him without any help. But you need to set limits and not be deterred by his negativity.

FEEDBACK Regarding the young woman who wonders, does the guy like her (June 27):
Reader – “It may be that he’s slightly autistic, or has Asperger's Syndrome like we do, and just prefers to be socially independent rather than addicted to unnecessary social interactions.
“Just because neuro-typicals (without Asperger’s) think he’s not interested, does NOT mean their evaluation is correct.
“He’s actually displaying classic “Aspergian” signs of affection, especially teasing and mimicking. An Aspergian often doesn’t know or understand neuro-typical social interaction, so will mimic what seems okay for a “normal” person to do, and thinks it'll be okay.

“Her guy isn’t staring in a “perverted” way, it’s our social awkwardness others need to adapt to.
“If "Signs of Interest" is interested, MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!! And meet one of the most loyal, honest, trustworthy, dependable, dedicated people on earth who’ll devote himself to you and never cheat.”