I recently fell madly in love with a married woman with a child, age four. We went to high school together.
I learned she was unhappy in her marriage, having dropped out of school when she got pregnant. Her husband refuses to pay or assist in her education so I helped her get into a course.
Once in a program, she refused to do it saying she needs my help, or is “too tired,” or has some other excuse.
A year later I cancelled the program instead of wasting my money. I still care for her.
I know it was wrong of me to have an affair with a married woman, but I tried to help her. I’m now left hurt, money-less and unsure where this is going. Was she just in a comfort zone having “two husbands?”
Should I just move on or try to give her another chance?

- Next Step?

Step away; she’s a user and blatant at it.
She has no respect for your feelings or your money, no loyalty to either her husband or you. And she probably took your “friend” who slept with her, for money too.
Stop rationalizing your role as Rescuer. She made an early mistake, but has learned nothing from it. But you can learn this: You owe her nothing more.
Your “mad” love was an illusion since it was unreciprocated, and you’re now seeing her many flaws, including deception with you. Move on.

I’ve been dating someone for over a year and we both think we’re made for each other; we were best friends from before.
Both of us want to get married soon. However, my guardians recently found out about us and became very angry. I’m in college and doing very well; they believe I should let him go and concentrate on my career. I tried doing that but recently started talking to him and resumed the relationship.
I don’t want to hurt my guardians but also don’t want to let him go. What do I do?

- Torn

Your guardians are taking their responsibility as seriously as they should; they obviously feel you’re too young and unprepared for a long-term commitment until you’re more established.
If they just “found out,” you must’ve been secretive, which would convince them of immaturity on your part. And, they’d be hurt, too. To smooth things over, and prove your better judgment, you need to talk to them directly and honestly, and include them in your plans. Ask them to accept the dating relationship, while you stay in school. Help them get to know your guy and bring them all together sometimes, such as for your birthday and holidays.
Once the relationship’s no longer a hidden thing, you two can openly be together, and should not feel a need to rush into marriage.
Instead, you can enjoy working toward it while still advancing your education and career plans, and also re-earning your guardians’ respect and trust.

My neighbour, a single 45-year-old lawyer in a top firm, adopted a baby from another country, hired a nanny, then organized their every moment.
I see the little boy, who’s 4, being taken from pre-school to program to program, never just allowed to have a play date or be at home playing on his own while supervised.
I sometimes see the mother and she’s friendly to me, though always in a hurry. Should I try to talk to her and offer some advice about child-rearing?

- Mother of Four

No - not unless she asks.

My husband had an affair several years ago. Our marriage is better but I want to take it to the next level.
I feel he’s still carrying a torch for his former paramour, that he feels he “sacrificed” his lover to return to the family. He gets defensive when I mention her.
He has no interest in seeking counselling.
How can we overcome this obstacle in our relationship?

- Blocked

State that you don’t just want him there for “show” or “duty:” It’s either a marriage or a sham. So it’s not just about what he wants. You need to know if he’s with you, emotionally.
The counselling needed is no longer about ending the affair, so stop mentioning her. You need to re-new the connection between you two.
If he still won’t go, he’s effectively saying you’re on your own. Then, get counselling yourself to decide your options.