I’ve been with my companion for eight years; we’ve had our ups and downs but nothing like this. 

At my workplace there are only a couple of guys, the rest are women. I have a few co-workers’ numbers and she suspects that I’m cheating; I’m not. However, she’s still married.         

- Confused

Fuzzy… that’s how I would describe what little you’ve indicated about your relationship. She’s insecure about you, even though, by not divorcing, she hasn’t been clear about her own long-term intentions with you. 

You may not be cheating, but you haven’t done a good job of explaining why you need the female co-workers’ after-work numbers.

Insist on clarity between you – if you’re staying together, she gets un-married; you delete the phone numbers; and you both start planning your future.

My boyfriend’s from a different ethnic background – there’s a strong sense of family and helping each other out. 

He greatly helps his family economically, is the major provider for his siblings and mom, and is basically running the household since he’s the oldest son where there’s no father. I admire his willingness to help them, but I’m not seeing a drift toward starting a family of his own with me.

I’m ready to live together; he says he’s also ready but can’t leave his family. When I don’t understand why not, he gets upset with me.

Without his help, maybe his family couldn’t afford such a big house, but they could live comfortably on his mom’s salary.

How can I make him understand that maybe he’s taking on too much responsibility, since he’s telling me he wishes he didn’t have to help so much?

How do I not seem like I want him to abandon his family?

- Frustrated

Start truly accepting what you claim to understand: His responsibilities and commitments to his birth family will continue even after he creates a new family. 

Instead of waiting for him to change this, discuss and explore with him what it means. “Moving together” may actually mean you moving in with his family… and he’s upset that you don’t get it. Or that he’ll always be financially involved – sending his siblings to university, paying for weddings, etc.

As for his mother’s “big” house, that’s not yours to criticize. Only she and your guy can decide whether she should move.

Your boyfriend has some admirable qualities that likely drew you to him originally – a great family man, generous, etc. Now, decide whether you can live with how these qualities apply directly to you.

One of our sons is married to a wealthy girl – her parents bought them a house, invite them on great trips, and fund their grandchildren’s private-school education. 

Our other son’s wife is from a family of modest income; they’ve travelled minimally, disapprove of anything they think is “snobby,” and have put a wedge between the two couples by causing their daughter to be judgmental about her “rich” sister-in-law. What can we do towards family harmony?

- Divided Family

Treat both couples exactly the same… including, not judging your “poor” daughter-in-law for her views. Model a different, uncritical example to her. 

Be supportive of both kinds of education systems the two families use; buy the same kinds of gifts for both sides. Try to get everyone together in simple, fun settings un-related to finances… e.g. picnics, barbeques, community events.

Do NOT feel pressured to provide big-ticket items to the have-not side. If you can afford it, be generous to all.

I’m 21, graduating university; my mother’s bi-polar, my brother may have mild schizophrenia. 

Recently, I was publicly humiliated by a professor during a presentation and never felt closer to killing myself, despite having suicidal thoughts since age 11. I attended a few counselling sessions through my university and am on anti-depressants.

Everything’s building up and I’ve considered checking into a mental institution just so I could have somebody to talk to.

- Need Help

Re-visit your university counsellor, explain how vulnerable you’re currently feeling, and that you need counselling more regularly. 

Meantime, if overwhelmed, call your local distress centre (see Yellow Pages). If privacy’s an issue, find a public phone at or near the university.

Help line personnel are trained to listen, and also to provide resources, e.g. there may be faster-accessed mental health services available, or you may be directed to a hospital setting, if appropriate.

Wanting help shows your will to survive!