Whatever happened to faithfulness? I’m male, and I do have female friends whom my wife knows. She visits them with me and it becomes a get-together for two families.

My friends are such that anything else wouldn’t be tolerated; I don’t and never will have a romantic relationship with any of them. In every case I was a friend with their husbands first!! There are no secrets.

If I’m talking to “Sue” and have a question for her husband, I ask her to ask him for me. And vice versa. If you’re in a relationship, you don’t cheat. Period.

- My View

There’s no advice sought here, but you’ve provided a healthy perspective for the many readers who send me questions about whether to trust their partners’ relationships with friends of the opposite sex. 

You’ve made part of the answer clear: Know your partner. Trust comes over time, and through actions, not words.

Any close friend of one person in a relationship should be introduced to the other; and get-togethers should at least sometimes be as a couple. Old flames that remain friends especially need to be known by your other half. Secret meetings, private long conversations, dependency relationships as the continued confidante to an ex without your partner’s approval and comfort, are set-ups for distrust, hurt feelings and jealousy.

Lasting relationships require both partners to be careful of each other’s feelings, and wary to prevent situations that can be misunderstood.

Kudos to you for being a shining example of these thoughtful principles that sustain and enrich relationships.

I’m 30, married with three-month-old baby, and currently staying at home with him for the first year of his life. 

My problem is that I’ve never had a career and feel like a miserable failure because of it. I’ve never had a job, which I enjoyed, or one that pays well; this really bothers me a lot.

My husband wants me to go back to school for a graduate degree in pharmacology, so I’ll have a well-paid career with flexibility, can contribute financially to our family and feel better about myself. But I’m terrified of failing, and whenever I do any research I freak out.

How can I get over my fear of not being able to hack it in the real world? I don’t want my son to have a mother who feels bad about herself.

- Frozen in Fear

Focus on your baby, and learn to handle him and your new responsibilities. This is NOT the time for you to panic about next year; nor should hubby, who’s being supportive and well-meaning, push you too fast. 

The only “research” to do now is find out what’s needed for you to apply to go back to school. That’s all.

Also, if this is not your own chosen field, find out which others can also eventually provide decent income and flexibility – e.g. dental hygienist, teaching, etc. Some will take longer to achieve, others may offer benefits beyond salary, such as summers off for teachers.

Develop your goal plan over time. Depending on baby’s needs, you may have to put this off a year or two. But at 30, with a newborn, you’re no failure, just a work in progress.

Your children’s security and well-being will define you as a winner. A career can still be achieved with enough time for success. Incidentally, I started mine after I stayed home for several years, with two children.

How can I improve relations with my adult children? I’d like to hear from them and have them visit more than annually. 

Instead, I’m begging for time - which causes some to stay away. I don’t want to lose them!

- Distant Relationships

Don’t lose yourself. Spend more energy and time expanding your own horizons –try something new like taking a course, starting a fitness activity, and/or volunteering.

Those efforts will make your own life more interesting and less dependent on your adult childrens’ attention.

Also, deepen your awareness of your children’s lives: Get informed of their schedules and responsibilities, and try to find ways to be involved e.g. by suggesting you visit them when they need an extra pair of hands with a project or your grandkids.

Invite them to visit you at times that are workable for them, and plan ahead with them for things they’d like to do.