My boyfriend moved away for a job during our third year dating. We talked frequently on the phone and saw each other every few weeks. 

Suddenly, a month ago, he said he’s not sure he can continue, although I’d just seen him and everything had seemed great. He said he had some depression about his job, his life and being lonely in a town where he had few friends. He refused to see me, although he’d call every night to say he still loved me.

He asked for a week of no talking – then announced he was breaking up with me to be single and alone, so he could focus on his job. His voice, everything was unfamiliar, including this HUGE change in character.

His colleague had been nosy about our relationship and caused a fight where we agreed on ground rules, so I wouldn’t feel so threatened by her. She’d suggested that he break it off with me because long distance was so hard.

The idea of this girl moving into my place so soon is killing me - I discovered that he went away with her. While I have no idea if they’re platonic or romantic, I’m so hurt by his actions and don’t know how to proceed.

I’ve already gone to counselling about it.

- Devastated

This isn’t a case of The Colleague Stole My Guy. The problem comes from the guy. He’s an adult; he’s not been abducted nor drugged into hanging out with her. You need to accept the break-up as HIS decision, in order to get past it. People DO change under different stresses and circumstances; it’s better to find out just how they change or find “adaptations” before you’re in a lifetime commitment. 

It may be that this guy is the kind who doesn’t do “alone” well. Or, being on his own got him to re-assessing the life track he was on (everything), and deciding he wanted something else.

He didn’t discuss this with you, ask for your ideas, and suggest other ways to handle your relationship. He just moved on. Now, do the same, because the right guy for you wouldn’t have acted this way.

My mother frequents resale shops, thrift stores and buys things – some good, but mostly junk. Her house has become extremely cluttered with furniture piled with clothes everywhere, and only a trail to the basement. 

I spoke with Mom about this. She insulted me, accusing me of “disturbing” her bank accounts (which I haven’t touched), and suggesting I’m only nice to her when I want something. She’s in denial, yet discusses her “problem” with my brother who lives out of town.

Her house isn’t safe, but my concerns were pushed aside. I think she’s still grieving her divorce of 26 years ago.

- Child of a Hoarder

Drop your analysis about her “divorce” – even if you’re on track, she needs professional help to deal with her hoarding. Discuss an approach with your brother. 

Given your concerns about her safety, he should make the effort to visit, see the situation, and help you convince her to start a process of therapy.

According to the Mayo Clinic (www.MayoClinic.com), “compulsive hoarding syndrome” is thought to be connected to obsessive-compulsive disorder. Many aspects of hoarding remain a mystery that researchers are still investigating.

People who engage in hoarding behaviour can put themselves and even neighbors in danger because of fire hazards, and unsanitary conditions. But, with intensive treatment, they can be helped to understand their compulsions.

My wife and I adore each other yet we have trouble getting along on day-to-day issues. We’re both strongly opinionated on many matters, from house décor to vacations to raising our toddler daughter. 

We live far away from both sets of parents yet I feel pressure from hers, because they’re very affluent and she’s always had pretty much anything she wanted.

How can I ever get my own way with a spoiled wife?

- Frustrated

Get out of the power struggle and back into the marriage. You’re together because of love, and your child… the rest is detail. 

When small decisions have to be made, consider whom it matters to most – example: the colour of the hallway? Her call. The size of the new TV? Your call. Or vice versa, these aren’t important matters.

For the big decisions, discussion and compromise are needed. It’s not about winning; it’s about finding comfortable solutions.