I was about to leave my fiancée of five years, as our age difference was becoming a problem; I’m 46, she’s 28. 

Also, I wanted a child and we’d been trying without success. I’d started an affair with a woman, 42. But my fiancée got pregnant.

Meantime, the affair grew, though my lover wanted me to leave my fiancée before starting a more formal relationship together. Yet whenever I was ready to leave her, my lover suddenly disappears.

Should I postpone separating until I’m sure what my lover is up to? I may not love my fiancée but if I can’t have my lover, I’d rather be with my child.

Lately, my fiancée seems more willing to work things out together, but she doesn’t know about my affair and I haven’t had intercourse with her for months (I have no desire) and am distant from her. Yet I think about the impact of asking her to move out of my place when she’s 7 months pregnant.

However, my lover gave me great moments of happiness, she made me feel like when I was a passionate 30-year-old. Still, she disappeared for days or weeks for no serious reason. She said she doesn’t want to be a Number 2, wants me to settle my situation with my fiancée, but also worries whether I’ll be faithful.

I deeply wanted the child but feel I’ll be able to give more to him if I’m happy. I don’t want to regret not giving a real shot to my lover.

What do you think about the whole situation?

- Uncertain in Quebec

I think both women should run from you. 

Here’s my scenario to conclude your soap opera: FIANCEE: She should assure she has legally-secured financial support from you for herself and child, as she cannot rely on you to do the right thing if it doesn’t serve your needs first.

LOVER: She should heed her instinct to flee, since her only role with you is to keep you feeling virile, without much concern for her needs.

YOU: There’s hope for you to have a fulfilling relationship in the future if you can recognize that it’s you who’s been the immature, irresponsible party with both these women.

While planning to leave your fiancée, you shouldn’t have still been trying to have a child with her; once she got pregnant, honest communication and/or counselling would’ve helped you either stay together, or separate with appropriate arrangements for child support, custody and access. Then, you’d be free and responsible.

This is what you now need to become - it’s what any new partner will want.

I’m a graduate in a creative field, where the recession has made even short-term entry jobs disappear. 

I live in the city and am having trouble paying my rent. Are people like me going to have to give up our dreams, abandon our educations, and seek handouts?

- Gloomy

Get creative in thinking - a negative outlook will hinder not only your efforts but affect others’ consideration of you for jobs. 

Seek internships in your field and other related areas – they don’t pay but they build contacts and keep you in the loop when openings arise.

Keep on top of employment web sites, apply often, even repeatedly to the same employer, and send your resume as widely as possible.

Meanwhile, offer paid help to everyone you know using any of your skills – e.g. doing research, organizing home offices, writing proposals, etc. Hang in.

I’m 58, female, diagnosed with a mental illness at 20. 

My son, 15, lives with his father and is having a difficult time.

I feel guilty, and also fret that I’m unemployed, on disability. I help my group home, write poetry, work on art projects, exercise, and am organizing an art show with friends and relatives based on my poetry. But I can’t accept that my principle job is to stay out of the hospital, which is what my worker states.

The guilt is driving me crazy.

- Troubled

You’re contributing to society through artistic expression, which can inspire others with mental illnesses or other disabilities to have a positive outlook, and do the best they can with the resources they have. 

Poetry and art can convey more powerful messages than talk from people who haven’t walked in your path.

Do continue, and don’t waste your energies and good spirits on guilt.