My boyfriend of four years just broke up with me, via TEXT, with an "I'm done."

This, only because he was being evasive, and I asked him what was going on.

I didn't cheat on him or kill his dog, which I think would be the only reasons one would say something so cruel.

I know it's because he's a coward and doesn't like confrontation. He has been evasive like this before.

But even a "we need to talk" text would’ve been enough for me to respond with "no we don't."

That is, the break-up was imminent, but I feel like crap because of his cold words.

He basically sullied a decent relationship and what could’ve been a decent breakup.

I'm 56 and he's 59, but I feel like a child now with my hurt. Do you have any words of advice to make me feel better?

Text Breakup

I don’t know if I can make you feel better, but I do advise that, in any relationship, putting expectations on someone to think and react as you would, usually doesn’t work.

This relationship had run its course. What you call “evasive” may’ve been a preference for independence or privacy on his part. You’re both middle-aged adults, with different habits, different ways.

Or, maybe his evasiveness made you suspicious and you questioned him whenever he behaved that way.

Whatever the reason, it was over. And you knew it.

Yet the stated cause of your hurt feeling is that you couldn’t answer back with an equally definitive ending.

Text break-ups are cold, yes, and often cowardly, too. But they’re unfortunately sometimes the only way to cut through the ongoing to-and-fro debate about who’s the worse character in the drama.

It doesn’t matter now. Move on.

My problem is why I can't find a date, or, when I eventually do, how do I turn it into a relationship?

I'm a college student, 21, overweight (not obese, but I could lose more than a few pounds, and I'm slowly but steadily working on it).

I’m not truly handsome, but consider myself cute; and I’m a geek/nerd that likes geek/nerd things.
I’m envious of couples. I want to cuddle too!
I've tried the online dating scene. My profile is nice and well thought out.

However, I've messaged a ton of girls but none messaged me back.
I'm not the most confident person either, but I can ask a girl out in person, too.

How do I meet a girl that actually wants to make a connection with me? What am I doing wrong?

Lonely Nerd

You’re doing nothing wrong; instead you’re rightly thinking about how to improve your dating approach. Moreover, you present a positive but clear-eyed self-assessment, so you can see for yourself what to work on.

Overweight is a health issue, but also affects self-image and social confidence. Keep working on getting fit and eating healthfully; it’ll show, and benefit you in all you do.

There are lots of female nerds out there, too. And, lots of women who appreciate a clever mind and sense of humour.

The problem with online dating sites at your age and stage is that many younger women (and men too), especially students, just want fun, so they check profiles for superficial signs, not meaningful connections.

You’d do better to join activities, college clubs and events, and outside interest groups, whether geek-oriented or completely new things like cross-fit training.

Get moving, instead of worrying.

I can’t maintain close friendships, despite having no problem making new friends.

I’m pretty outgoing and sociable, and can get along with anyone.

But most of my friendships have turned distant and awkward because I've lost touch or we drifted apart.

I've never had a best friend, or close friends. I feel like a third wheel with so-called friends as they only call if they need me.
Am I doing something to keep people from sticking around?

No Best Friend Forever 

It’s hard to “diagnose” the unknown dynamics between you and others, but what stands out is your description of what these short-term friends don’t do.

If you’ve lost touch, it’s you who also hasn’t kept up contact, invited people over, phoned suggesting you’ll get tickets for something you’d both enjoy.

Friendships take work, and close ones take devotion – like knowing when someone needs a call, or offering your help before it’s requested.