My sister moved out to Los Angeles to pursue her dream of acting. She’s pretty and has a killer figure, and she’s smart; but she’s not that talented. I think she recognizes her limitations but doesn’t let that stop her. I admire her perseverance.

She found a cute rental, got herself a job in a popular restaurant during the day and a club at night, and is slogging away to pay the rent. Meanwhile, she goes to audition after audition. It’s been six months and nothing.

I’m going to visit her soon, and I’m excited to see her, to hang out in L.A., to eat at the restaurant and party at her club. But I’m worried that my parents will want me to bring her home, that she thinks I’m only coming to take her home, and that she won’t be relaxed while I’m there.

How honest should I be with her?

Sweet Sis

I’m not sure why you think it’s your place to sit in judgement on your sister. From your description, she sounds like she’s self-sufficient, a hard-worker and realistic. She’s not trolling for a sugar daddy, or shocked she isn’t besties with Kylie Jenner. She’s pursuing her dream and keeping herself afloat in the meantime.

Who are you to burst her bubble?

If you get there and find a depressed soul, who’s been lying about her jobs, living in squalor, then yes. You can say something. But if she’s living the way she says she’s living, why can’t you just support her? And if she never makes the big screen, but finds her own path, why would you throw her an “I told you so?”

Be proud of your sister. Support her. Learn from her tenacity and determination.

I’m a retired civil servant, widowed, living with my young adult daughter and her boyfriend. He’s a fitness guru and nutritionist, while working crazy hours as a paramedic. She’s a lawyer, working downtown, but sometimes works from home. On those days we enjoy lunch together. Often, we just make a salad, or a soup.

Sometimes we revert to the days when she was a little girl and I was a newly single parent, and we eat bread with butter and jam. But somehow, her boyfriend finds out and reprimands us for our lack of healthy nutritional choices.

She and I laugh about it, but he gets quite upset. I appreciate his caring and concern, but I find it a bit controlling. I’m worried that he’s too controlling in his nature and won’t make a good partner/husband for my daughter, or a father for their future children.

Am I right to be concerned?

Nutritionally Challenged

Every father worries about their daughter, and the quality of their future mate. It’s your job as a dad. Also, from where you stand, you see things differently than she does – that’s natural.

But in the scheme of things, showing concern over your nutrition (and hers), and caring over what you’re both eating is thoughtful on his part, and not a deal-breaker.

However, if his care and concern come out in a controlling manner, then yes, there is reason for you to be worried. Take a step back. Now that you know the signs, watch him for other areas of control. If you don’t see it in any other area of life, let it go. This is what’s important to him – not surprising since he’s a nutritionist.

Or do you see it now all the time? If so, I suggest you speak with your daughter. Try to get her to see it for herself. She’ll close her eyes if you force it upon her.

Then let her figure it out, knowing you’re there to support her.

FEEDBACK Regarding the too young couple (Feb. 8):

Reader  – “Have relaxed casual conversations.  But ask probing question and monitor BOTH of their reactions.  Ask questions regarding finances, cost of living, bank accounts, and their savings. Ask if they’ve thought about who pays for what, what happens when one becomes unemployed, or an unexpected pregnancy occurs. Ask them about their expectations/desires for children, their thoughts on their wedding ceremony, and their views on a pre-nuptial agreement. Have they thought about what happens if the marriage doesn’t work out?

“The GOAL is to trigger serious discussions between the young couple. To get them thinking not just about the excitement of their love now, but about the future and how to maintain their marriage.

“Plus, are they planning to live together first?  They need real life experience, outside of their parents’ homes.

“I wish them luck, but they need more thoughtful planning.”