My fiancée and I split up five months ago. After she got her ring, she’d gained 30 pounds, seemingly due to her new security about getting married.
But it led to her feeling unattractive and uninterested in sex. I was still attracted to her but supportive regarding her having better nutrition, getting fit.
Meantime, work issues and trouble re-locating made her depressed, even though it wasn’t her fault.
She saw her friends less; I became her main support.
But I was also working two jobs, given our wedding plans.
Then her dad became very ill with heart disease, which devastated her. She stayed home more with him, rather than with me.
Since she was busy with her family, I took on more extra work to build up our savings. But she was now considering us marrying earlier and living with her parents. I avoided that conversation.
We broke up, after a fight in which she said I wasn't supporting her.
I said I wasn't happy the way the relationship had been going, but that I’ve tried to support her.
I’ve been trying to apologize ever since. She’s cut me off. I’d accused her of jumping to conclusions, and childishly blocked her on social media. I’ve tried to show remorse ever since, but have been ignored.
My pals and even relatives have reached out to her, but she ultimately also severed contact with them.
I’ve asked for a second chance due to all the stress we were both going through that caused this split.
I made a big mistake thinking that I could handle it all, and do well for us by working more for when we got back together.
You were both stressed, but her pressures were greater. The strong signal that she reacts strongly to changes (even good ones) was the weight gain. Also, her plunged spirits over job difficulties.
Top that with a parent’s illness and she was then living in a world of anxiety and neediness from you. Frankly, many young couples would falter under all these troubles. Your efforts to be supportive couldn’t carry so many burdens.
I believe she’s overreacted because you sound like a decent guy, in your hindsight.
But getting past this won’t be easy.
Don’t push, but, if you agree, let her know this: You’re going to get counselling to learn how to never let her down again, because you still hope for a life together.
Do it. If she accepts this genuine effort, great. If not, you’ll still be the better man for it.
I'm 27. Four years ago, on an online gaming website, I met the love of my life. However, she lives in England. Despite this, we've built a very happy, healthy relationship.
We’ve met twice and are planning another meeting soon, but would like to make it more permanent. We've discussed my moving to be with her and looked up different government websites, but there are many different visas required.
I cannot bear the thought of not being with this girl long term. What’s the best, quickest, and easiest way for us to make this happen?
Long Distance Love
Your home countries have their own strict immigration laws. You both need to do a search beyond hoping for instant answers.
Decide together which country you’re most likely to choose, and what your prospects are for getting jobs, a home, etc.
Then talk in person to an immigration officer or lawyer, to get knowledge you can discuss.
FEEDBACK Regarding the very short person, (July 15):
Reader – I’m 4'7" and almost finished an undergraduate degree in biology. I share your fear of ridicule and embarrassment due to others’ reactions to your height.
“I also look a lot younger than I am, and have struggled for years with people who may not realize the pain they cause when they ask about it.
“I've overheard people talk about how short I am and wonder about my age. It hurts.
“My own experience is that people in College/University are a lot more mature than they were in high school. I’m treated with much more respect and understanding now.
“Also, in an academic setting, I’m often judged for my ingenuity and intelligence as opposed to my outward appearance. I’m on a more even playing field with the people around me - you don't need a step-stool to use your mind.”
Tip of the day:
If obstacles crushed your response to a relationship, counselling can help you learn to respond better.