There is a cute guy at the gym I go to, who has caught my eye. He’s there at the same time everyday, and sometimes, if I'm lucky, he’s in the cardio section where I am, but he’s usually further away in the weight area.

I’m terrified to approach him. I mean, what does one say? “Hi, I think you’re cute and I just thought I'd say you motivate me to come to the gym?”

What can I do to at least have him notice me?

Silent Admirer

Look in the mirror and find your own appeal.

You’ve noticed him because he’s not only attractive, but also looks confident, competent, and well concentrated on his fitness regime.

Well, if that’s all so, unless he’s a hunk with nothing in his head, your suggested approach of chatting him up groupie-style may flatter him… but it won’t hold his interest.

Frankly, hitting on the “hottie” in the gym, with no basis other than slavering over his pecs, is likely to lead to a hook-up at most, and/or enough embarrassment at seeing him again that you have to change gyms.

However, if he were regularly seeing someone (YOU) with a confident smile, who’s sincerely devoted to being fit and also looks friendly, that might just get him to do the approaching.

Also, a simple, smiling nod of acknowledgement when you pass him should be enough to warrant a Hi, from either of you. If not, he’s still cute, but he’s not interested.

Commentary - Our marriage therapist practiced in the same office as our family doctor, who deemed her to be a “cracker” at her field.

Unfortunately, she was completely taken in by a very carefully planned fraud by my spouse, who intended to humiliate me once again.

However, the event was of great help in my making the decision to leave.

I've survived so far, and my advice to others in a similar position would be to:

1. Get your own doctor. You need an advocate remote from your spouse.

2. Speak up. You’ll be surprised by the number of acquaintances who reveal they’re in the same boat (with controlling spouses).

3. Develop a moral code and follow it. It’s not necessary for your partner to join you in order for you to be a moral person.

Live in a way that allows you to believe in yourself and keep a hold on reality.

Been There

Don’t be so sure that a manipulative person has hoodwinked your therapist.

Some wise, experienced (yes, “cracker”) therapists, let new clients in marital counselling talk and talk, so that at least one of them hears it all played out in this neutral setting, not their own home where they may be more easily intimidated.

And the result, as in your case, is that the decision to leave, or otherwise change the dynamic, comes more easily, because the spouse gets a closer look/hearing of the reality he/she’s been living through.

Your “tips” are worth noting, with some adds: If you seek counselling help to clarify your feelings and options - especially if you’re strongly influenced by your past upbringing and earlier experiences - get individual therapy on your own. But if you’re both trying to keep a marriage together, then you need couples’ counselling, too.

If you truly believe that your partner is snowing your therapist during marriage counselling sessions, find another whom you both agree on.

If this is impossible to achieve, so is staying together.

I have a friend who has waited almost a year for this particular opportunity that’s finally come his way.

He’d been asking for it a couple of times, and he finally gets it, yet he’s a little upset and torn as to what to do.

He believes he only got it because there weren't a lot of people interested in this opportunity. What should he do? Should he seize his chance anyway?

Good/Bad News

It’s hard to be certain about his choice, when there’s no clue from you as to what it is.

But with any opportunity – a promotion, academic opening, a business deal, or even getting an ordinary job – if it’s been sought for a period of time, seize the chance.

Unless your friend has learned some serious downsides about going forward, he should stay on course.

He’ll soon know whether it works for him, if not he’ll have gained experience.