My fiancé and I are getting married this summer.

However, I'm finding it hard to be a patient listener when he complains to me about his job, daily.

He’ll talk about people putting things away in the wrong place, recount conversations and email exchanges that were frustrating for him, and generally complain about everything at work.

When we moved in together, he was in a dead-end job that he despised. I helped him get a new one.

He stayed one year, but it was a toxic environment.

We got him a new job with a better environment and close to home.

He's been there one year, has complained throughout.

I've suggested he look for another job, or return to school, or start a business. I've said I’d support him in whatever he chooses (I’ll pay for it, too).

I think he’ll eventually settle on a new "path" that involves education and a new field, but I worry that he’ll still dump his complaints on me.

I don't mind being a sounding board about a problem, but not about all the daily details.

How can I tell him that I’m not a dumping ground for his frustrations without hurting his feelings?

Overdosed Listener

Since new jobs bring no satisfaction, he’s either a born complainer (childhood atmosphere?) or must change his employment “path” completely.

However, it’s counter-productive for you to stay so involved in his choices.

It’s enabling him to depend on you for any job moves, and then feel entitled to complain to you in order to get your support for moving again.

Take a completely different tack.

Insist that he needs to find the right move.

Tell him that he needs to go to career counselling on his own (while still working at least part-time).

With their professional guidance, he needs to determine where his skills lie in a do-able direction.

Then he must work towards upgrades and pay his own way through student loans on top of his earnings.

If he complains along the way, make it clear that he’s got to take some of the less perfect aspects of any job, in order to get the benefits.

Then change the topic and/or get busy with something else.

Recognize that he may also need personal counselling to probe why his frustration level is so high over small imperfections.

My wife took my daughter, age three and a half, and moved into her Aunt's house one month ago.

There’s been drama.

She refuses to communicate. She hasn't been online, on Facebook, etc., since the day after she left.

Our last interaction had police involvement.

How do I get around her black hole of communication? I started a website to see if I can get some reaction, but still nothing.

I love my wife and daughter but we have issues... communication being one of them.

I am open to everything and anything.

Feeling Lost

The communication problem is clearly on both sides. In your outreach to me – which I appreciate and would like to respond to helpfully – you leave out the most important fact: What called for “Police involvement” and caused her to leave the home with your child?

If physical abuse occurred, coming from either or both sides, you two must get marital counselling and perhaps individual therapy as well.

If you can’t reach her, start the therapy yourself, and tell whoever does reach her – e.g. her Aunt – that you’re hoping to make positive changes, so you two and your daughter can have a fresh start as a family.

After decades of being caregivers for family, we moved into a condo building that’s full of elderly people, most of whom are fabulous folks.

Some others, however, seem to think we’re their caregivers. They commonly behave as if the rest of us exist solely for their needs.

We do little things for others daily, and are always available for emergencies. But we don't want to be counted upon to do what their families should be doing.

How can we say this without appearing unsympathetic?

Demanding Neighbours

Be neighbourly, but not guilty. Treat anyone who makes continued demands with openness – say that you can’t handle their needs, but a relative could. You might even offer to contact family on their behalf.

If that’s not possible, suggest they either hire a part-time caregiver or seek local elder care services such as visiting homemakers. Again, offer to make the initial phone contact for them.