My fiancée and I were really in love, and set a wedding date after dating for six months, because she needs me to sponsor her for her refugee claim. 

When we had a minor argument, she started dating another man.

She’s determined to find an alternate solution to her immigration problem. However, this guy is on welfare and had a sexual harassment case filed by a former girlfriend.

My fiancée is brainwashed by this guy and is supporting him financially. I want to get back with her and marry her, if only she’d set her priorities straight.

How do I convince her that she’s wasting her time and money on a loser?

- Bad Choice

Either your former fiancée is impetuous and hot-headed, or your argument with her wasn’t so “minor.” There’s also the possibility that her refugee status has her too anxious to think clearly or to recognize this other man’s true character (I’m assuming that what you say IS true). 

If you can find someone in your ex’es community whom she respects, ask for help in informing her of the risks she’s taking.

Loving her means trying to get her away from potential disaster with this guy… and only then trying to win her back.

HOWEVER, if you make supporting her claim your only inducement, rather than focusing on re-building trust and respect between you two, then she’s not going to be much further ahead with you.

My husband of five years and I both have kids from our prior marriages. 

From day one, his daughters have gone out of their way to terrorize me. They’d leave nasty messages on my answering machine, call me names, swear at me, threaten me, and vandalized my house and cars. They even made false accusations against me at work - all unfounded but still a hassle to go through.

When we accidentally met in a mall, his daughters swore at my young children and I (my sister and her kids were there). I made a police report to have on file.

My husband has no control over them. The girls’ behaviour is condoned by their mother who several times has called just to yell at me.

My husband has been divorced from her since 1996. He was married a second time, which didn’t last long due to his ex-wife and kids. His daughters told me they can also get rid of me. I almost lost two pregnancies because of them.

Last July my husband tried to get a no-contact order but his ex-wife fought it and it was denied. Every attempt we’ve made to stop the harassment has failed.

I fear these kids will follow through with their threats. I’ve even bought a dog for protection, and put up cameras.

We can’t afford to keep paying for attorneys to fight battles we can’t win.

We have 6 kids here (3 from my previous marriage and 3 together). My children from a previous marriage have a wonderful father and stepmother and we all get along well.

- At A Loss

Keep records of every harassment incident and alert the police every time. Tape any nasty or threatening phone calls, and take photos of any vandalism. 

It’s an extreme thought, but with six children to protect I’d also consider moving away, if at all possible.

Meantime, seek legal aid from the court system to deal with these repeated harassment offences. They need to be seen not as a domestic dispute but as criminal behaviour.

I’ve been dating someone for a couple of months but haven’t told my parents yet, because my mom is Miss 40 questions! And it’ll spread through my family like wildfire. 

I don’t want everyone to know my personal business, but my mom does not agree. What would be the right way to tell her?

- Worried

If the relationship isn’t yet serious, hold off the big blab. Your mom takes her cues from you – if you’re excited about a guy, she’s bound to get excited too; and you already know she can’t hold a secret. 

But if the dating continues and you feel confident, then share your happiness.

Mom can only reveal as much of “your business” as you tell her – so skip any personal details that you and he will want private, such as what he earns, what he weighs, and what pet names you call each other.