I don’t understand my daughter’s boyfriend at all. He’s a nice enough kid, very smart, has a good job, and is polite and respectful. But I find him very strange.

He is tall and thin, like a lamppost. He has very effeminate hands, with long, slender fingers – and he wears nail polish. And not, say, black nail polish, which would be sort of “grunge” style. No, he wears multiple different colours on his fingernails. He also wears several rings on his fingers. Both the rings and the polish draw attention to these very delicate hands of his.

He also has a moustache. But not a burly, bushy thing. It’s wispy and thin and looks like it’s there by mistake. It’s been there for months, which basically just proves that he can’t yet grow a full moustache because it’s so insignificant.

There’s nothing about this boy that is remotely attractive, physically. And though he’s intelligent, he’s not that funny or personable.

What does my daughter see in him?

Odd Duck

Clearly, something you don’t. And that’s OK. He’s her boyfriend, not yours. Yes, often young women are attracted to young men who, in some way, resemble their fathers (if they have a good relationship with their own father); but on the flip side, sometimes they’re attracted to men who are in direct contrast to their own fathers.

So, the fact that this young man isn’t attractive to you, isn’t that far from normal behaviour for your daughter.

But why does it matter what he looks like? Maybe she finds him interesting, funny, warm and loving, even though he’s none of those things in your presence. As long as he isn’t harmful – physically or emotionally – to your daughter, let her have this relationship. And keep your opinions to yourself.

My sister and I have gone into business together, renovating and designing homes for other people. It started when our parents both went into rapid decline simultaneously, and we were forced to move them into a long-term assisted living facility. In their wills, they left the family home to both of us.

We both loved our house and couldn’t fathom selling it. So, we decided to turn it into a shared space for both our families. We obviously get along very well, as do our partners. We both have dogs who love each other, and I have two young children who adore and are adored by their auntie and her partner.

We spoke with an architect and realized that our dream could come true, physically and financially. We have since turned our family home into a shared two-family home, with both independent and shared spaces.

We didn’t argue at all over that creation, but now we seem to find ways to irritate each other. What do you suggest?

Sisterly Systems

I think you’re VERY lucky to have had the chance to go back to your family home in this way. And it’s fabulous that you’ve made it work, for everyone.

I would strongly suggest that you two speak with a professional, now, before your irritation seeps into your home. You’ve agreed to live together, in harmony, for many years. You need to figure out how to maintain that, for your sake and that of your partners and children.

Perhaps working together isn’t the best plan. Perhaps that’s just too much togetherness, and too many areas to argue. If, however, you enjoy the work, and working together, then figure out how to do so without overwhelming conflict. That could look like working on different projects at different times, or agreeing on who manages which areas of the projects, or not taking on too many projects at once.

That will be for you two to figure out.

FEEDBACK Regarding the bad situation (Nov. 21):
Reader – “I commend both this person and their manager for taking such action.  They did what they reasonably could, given the situation and timing.

“I once read a story where a waitress in a bar witnessed a woman’s drink being spiked.  The manager immediately stopped the band playing and advised EVERY woman to stop drinking and get new fresh drinks.  The spiked drink was left and the “target woman” was discretely advised to continue behaving normally.  Police were called and the perpetrator was arrested.  He tried to deny, but a vial with the drug was found in his possession.

“If you are in a position and see something out of the ordinary, it’s important to act immediately for the other person’s safety.”

Lisi – I’m not sure about your story, but if the perpetrator was apprehended, and the women were safe, it doesn’t matter.