My dad, mid-60's, started dating an old friend from work, not one month after my mom passed away.

This woman bosses him and has him do all her chores.

She’s been married three times, rents her place, and doesn’t have a lot of money.

My dad owns a house and is in good financial standing.

Only a few months after my mom passed, she brought up marriage!

We fear we’ll lose our inheritance if she moves in, and marries him. She’ll be entitled to the house!

Concerned Adult Children

The woman does seem to have that goal, but you’ll get farther with your dad if you show concern for him, rather than just for his money.

Too late, he’ll recognize that he was primed for her gain, rather than for himself. He’ll be deeply hurt and embarrassed, especially if you pull away in anger.

He needs your support for the grief (and fear of being alone) that hit him when your mom died. It sent him into her life where she made him feel needed.

Spend time alone with him, and make him feel loved and needed by family.

Also – but not as the reason for a visit - suggest that he discuss his finances on his own with a lawyer before making commitments he may later regret.

I’m married four years. I have chronic Crohn’s disease that took the first three years to control.

I couldn’t work then, was frequently hospitalized, and struggled with my self-esteem for not contributing financially.

I returned to work last year, happy. But now I had to organize the household (no kids, but three pets), care for the pets, help my divorced parents (both with anxiety and depression), monitor my diet and medications, and work full time.

I became exhausted and asked my husband to help.

However, I have to nag and monitor him.

I still manage bills, pets, laundry, groceries, cooking, and cleaning. He only sometimes helps but expects constant praise.

Or, he hides out and plays video games. He'll lie that it’s all done or say he didn't have the time.

I'm tired of being his parent and an emotional sounding board to my parents.

I've been told by both our families that I'm “lucky he never left” because I'm sick.

I love him, but I'm tired. He knows I'll eventually cave and do whatever I asked him to do myself.

We've discussed all this in therapy and just between us. He knows I need the help but it feels like he doesn't care.
I've been starting to get sicker again and I'm worried that this will forever be my cycle. I want to remain in remission, but managing stress is a huge part of my condition.

I feel like the only way to protect my health is to leave him.

No Support

Save your strength and protect yourself. Use some of your full-time earnings to get the help you need - pet care and household cleaning.

He should contribute - but if he doesn’t, you still need to look after yourself. You managed without working before, so you’re still better off with whatever’s left from your income.

Next time anyone says how “lucky” you are, just smile with confidence and say he’s lucky to have you. He’ll know what you mean.

Keep up the therapy if needed for yourself, to maintain the strength you’ve regained mentally as well as physically by working, and assure that you’ll stay pro-active for your health.

I’m 14, in Grade 8, and very uncomfortable with being out in the open.
I don’t like being around other kids my age or older.

I’m thinking of taking online classes or courses at home, for all of high school, and if I can finish this grade online, I’d love that too.

Just so I don’t have to go to high school, and see a whole bunch of kids and be around so many people I’m not sure of.

A Good Idea?

It’s a daydream of hiding, not an idea that can help you overcome your discomfort. You need practical help understanding why you have fears of crowds, people you don’t know, and a new school.

Talk to your parents openly about your feelings. They’ll want to help you. You’ll likely need to speak to a therapist who has experience with teenagers’ fears. You’re not alone. And you can overcome your anxieties and find ways to be comfortable.