My sister’s boyfriend is always looking at me. It’s creepy and I don’t understand why he does it. She’s 20; I’m 18; and he’s 21. My sister and I are very different, but we look a lot alike. I’m a track and field athlete and she’s a classical violin player. He’s a computer genius, very quiet, good-looking and nice enough.

My parents like him as he’s very polite whenever he’s over for dinner, helps my mom set and clear the table, and wash the dishes. But whenever I look up from my plate, he’s looking at me.

Do I say something to my sister? My mom? Or do I just say something the next time it happens?

Creeped out

I get that it’s creepy to have someone constantly staring at you; I wouldn’t like it either. Though it is a little flattering to have someone young and good-looking focus on you. I suggest you could make light of it the next time he’s over and, if you catch him looking at you at the table, you could say out loud, in a light way, “Do I have food on my face?”

That will let him know you’ve caught him and alert others at the table. Or you could find a quick minute with him alone and ask him to please stop looking at you, that it makes you uncomfortable.

For now, I would leave your sister out of it. She’ll either be hurt that her boyfriend has eyes for you, or she’ll be angry with you for stirring up the pot.

My brother’s girlfriend is not a nice person, and she’s especially rude to me and my mom. My brother never says anything when she’s rude to me, but if he hears her say anything rude to our mom, he calls her out. One night they had a big fight in our living room because he thought she was rude to Mom. She kept saying she hadn’t done anything, and that if anything, our mom was rude to her.

Finally, my dad stepped in and kindly told them to both leave and take their fight somewhere else. He turned to the girlfriend and said, “You are welcome in our home any time; however, you must show every member of this family the respect they deserve. And in my opinion, you owe my wife an apology.”

She humbly apologized to my mom and left. Without my brother. Now my brother is mad at my dad and me, but not Mom. The whole thing is ridiculous because I didn’t say a word and just watched the evening play out.

I’m done with her and him. I never want to see her again, but I can’t understand why my brother still wants to be with her. Have any ideas?

Annoyed sister

Your brother is caught up in a relationship with a woman he likes for whatever reasons. She has a chip on her shoulder, again for reasons you don’t know, or haven’t shared with me. I can only go on the information I have.

If I were in your shoes, I’d be upset too. If I were your mom, I’d be very annoyed, and I wouldn’t feel that she was welcome in my home. Your dad is clearly a calm, reasonable man – and his message to her was loud and clear: don’t disrespect my wife or daughter ever again.

In the spirit of the new year, give her another chance, and try to talk calmly with your brother. Without anger or blame, explain how she hurts your feelings when she’s rude and doesn’t ingratiate herself to you in any way. But you would really like to like her and have a relationship with her.

See how that goes.

FEEDBACK Regarding the yelling teacher (Oct. 10):

Reader – “I was an Intermediate teacher for almost 30 years and frequently explained to my teenaged students the difference between yelling (being inappropriately angry) and raising the volume of one's voice. Some years ago, an academic research study was circulated at a staff workshop indicating that teenagers believed all adults ‘yelled’ at them, whether that was true or not.

“However, by the end of my career, I ended up with hearing loss and learned that my voice became loud over the years, possibly because I couldn't hear myself speak. I'd like to remind students, parents, principals, and teaching colleagues that there are a multitude of reasons why classrooms, students and teachers are loud.”

Lisi – All this may be true, but some teachers just yell. In my experience, it can occasionally be a cultural norm where the teachers are originally from, and they’re not taught that it’s not normal in their new teaching environment.