Recently, while visiting my sister and her kids, her husband started putting me down. I told my wife to get the kids and go. He started following and calling me names. At the front door, he lunged at me threatening my life.

My mother (also there) and sister held him back. I saw him push my mother and sister while screaming profanities at them. Fearing for their safety, I called the police who arrived.

They requested my sister take her four kids to my mother's house for the night. Children's services were also called. The following day my sister sent me a nasty e-mail stating that it was entirely my fault, and that she's disowned me.

I'm hurt and haven't spoken to her since. Her husband is abusive - she once filed a restraining order against him. I worry about her children. What should I do?

Very Hurt

Your sister has far bigger troubles than your hurt feelings. You were correct to call the police, but as an abused wife, she was left with the aftermath and fears of his further reactions.

Unfortunately, she's not ready to leave him, or to admit the emotional and physical risks to her children and herself. She's turned on the easier target - you - whom she knows won't come after her.

Forgive her. Make sure your mother keeps frequent contact with her, and insist that your mom alerts you if/when there's a further incident.

Meanwhile, consider how your sister would manage on her own, where she'd stay, what agency she can contact for help. Give this information to your mother, and be prepared to offer help and support when needed.

My son got married last week. It was a lovely wedding but I felt my husband and I were treated poorly.

We were told to be at the church an hour before the service for family pictures with the groom. My daughter and her family, my daughter-in-laws, and all the grandchildren were there. Many pictures were taken of the bride and groom with her mom and family and with the bride's father and stepmother. But by our turn, there was time for only three pictures.

At the reception, the bride's family was all seated front and center; we were in the second row. My husband and I had the rehearsal party and contributed heavily to the wedding financially. I know I shouldn't say anything, as I'll regret it later.

Lost in the Shuffle

Yes, you were sidelined, but perhaps not deliberately... someone's timing was clearly off regarding the pictures (the wedding planner? photographer?)

No, you do NOT want to say anything. Poor treatment can easily be denied (no more room in the front row, no one meant anything by it, etc.). However, the bad feelings you'd raise on both sides can hang around for years.

You likely offered the financial help by choice, and should've known it rarely buys credits on the wedding video or in anyone's minds. After all, you could've given less, or said you couldn't afford it, or even given it with some conditions about your participation (not so nice, but at least it's clear what you want in return). You naturally didn't do this and now know that your new daughter-in-law (and son) can be somewhat insensitive to you.

So, in future dealings, be specific when you need to be, as helpful as you truly wish to be, and always loving. Hopefully they'll mature and your relationship with them will be a good one.

FEEDBACK Regarding the daughter whose mother kept calling her daily (December 22):

Reader - "While I don't agree with her mom calling her that much, the real issue is why the mom needs that much connection...is she lonely and missing her daughter? Is the daughter so wrapped up in her own life that she forgets her parents?

"Her mom's using her illnesses to get her attention, rightly or wrongly. The daughter should have a conversation with her mom, maybe take her out to lunch, get their nails done together, etc.

"She should start a dialogue with her which includes boundaries about when to call her. This maintains the dignity of everyone involved.

"I guess you can tell that I am missing my connection with my 23-year-old daughter. But I am being patient as I've been told that adult children "do come back." Yet the sadness and hurt remains."