Three years ago, I lost my best friend. I wasn't there for her on a day she needed me the most, and since then, I’ve lost all contact with her.

Her grandfather had passed away and she wanted me to attend the viewing (to pay respects and to support her and her family). In my culture, we don't have viewings and the idea of seeing a body shook me to the core.

So I made up a lame excuse not to go. This upset her, and even though I attended the funeral, that wasn't enough to mend our friendship.

We were best friends over eight years and had what can only be described as the perfect friendship - attached at the hip; we never fought, and treated each other like family.

When she stopped talking to me, I had made (too many) efforts to explain myself, she told me that the best thing I could do was to give her space. So I did. That (text) conversation marked the end of our friendship, since she never contacted me again.

I think about her (too) often and feel that one day we’ll reconnect again. What do I do? Wait for her to contact me? Or is there a way I can initiate something without pushing her even further away?

Deeply Sorry

Send a cheery email when something comes up that you once shared… even a favorite song… but don’t make it too sentimental or needy-sounding, just a light-hearted memory note.

If no response, wait till the next occasion that warrants a card – her birthday, Thanksgiving, etc. If still no response, drop it, she’s moved on.

You had a tough lesson in cultural compassion – i.e. that something that is not your own custom may be very meaningful for a friend/partner and needs to be acknowledged as such.

If you do connect, just state simply, and finally, how sorry you are that you let her down… and no excuses.

(Death feels foreign and scary until it hits you personally. But when it happens to someone close, you’re expected to respect his or her traditions and needs).

My father passed 23 years ago, my mother 13 years ago. All of her jewellery and possessions were given to my older sister. It wasn’t all willed to her, but she was the oldest and I never said a word.

My sister passed three years ago, and her will didn’t stipulate to whom her jewellery would be distributed.

While I understand that her wedding rings and personal jewellery should remain with my brother-in- law and their two sons, I strongly feel that my mother's wedding rings and her other jewellery, and my dad's, should be given to me.

My daughter’s getting married this September and I wanted her to have a ring from her Grandmother. She’s the only granddaughter. Am I being unreasonable?

Upset

This is something you should’ve discussed with your late sister years ago… you were never clear that you hoped one day your daughter would inherit a ring from her Grandmother.

Meanwhile, her sons are likely unaware of which pieces came from that source and are just considered as their mother’s.

With your daughter’s wedding coming soon, you could now say to your brother-in-law that you’d very much like her to have the ring, and hope he’ll understand. Asking for more would not be a wise way to start.

If he accepts your request, you could raise the topic of dividing some of the grandparent’s jewellery later.

My niece’s wedding is in two months, and she’s miserable instead of happy. The couple are always fighting about his domineering father’s latest dictates for their wedding, their house, etc., - all to suit his ethnic background, which isn’t hers.

Her fiancé’s afraid of his father so says nothing, then she’s furious that he doesn’t stand up for her. I’m her closest living relative and want to tell her to cancel the wedding.

Too Late?

Tell them both that you see how stressed and unhappy they are, and that postponing the wedding will give them time to get his father out of the picture. They need counselling and practice at making decisions together, without him.

Say that if they marry six months later, with a new understanding of how to compromise and solve their own problems, it’ll be worth a lifetime of happiness. And if they marry before that, they’ll likely divorce.