My long-distance boyfriend of one year and I are very happy together. We're usually able to see each other on weekends. He's said a few times that he thinks I'm "the one," and has told several of his friends that he wants to marry me.
However, I'm having doubts that we'll be able to move forward. I'm in my late-20s; he's in his early-30s. We both have good jobs in fields that we love and are established in the cities we live in.
Even so, I've told him that I'd make the move to his house, but he says it's not an option as his parents wouldn't approve (they're very religious). I've tried to talk to him several times.
He seems very hesitant to talk logistically about our future together and I'm beginning to think he's scared of the actual commitment despite how he feels about me.
Is this a lost cause? I love him so much, but marriage and kids in the near future are important to me.
Worried
He's not opening up, but you're not encouraging it effectively, either. So far, you've only mentioned one option of moving into "his house." It's not clear whether he's living on his own or with parents.
If he still lives with his parents and worries about their approval, you have a major hurdle to handle. But if he has his own place, you should be direct and suggest getting married and moving there. Then, you'd be talking about whether he's serious about a future together, or using his parents as an excuse.
Either way, if he keeps blocking discussion, you'd be wise to call "a break." With you wanting more, fairly soon, there's no point waiting to be disappointed later. The break might have him realize what he's missing and that he needs to get pro-active winning you back. If not... best to learn that sooner.
I really need some advice about my abusive mother. I suffered a great deal of emotional and physical abuse (her pulling out my hair, beating me for no reason).
She used to tell me everyday she wished I would die, and laughed each time she hurt me, or when I cried about it. She kicked me out on the street many times, even when I was hit by a car!
My dad still believes all her lies about me, and still chooses her over me (he missed my wedding because of her). At a recent family funeral, she convinced everyone I was terrible for not wanting to reconcile, and they expected me to do so without considering my side of things.
How can I make my anger and resentment go away? How do I deal with having no confidence, failing at everything I do, and having no family support?
Still Suffering
You've grown up with a terrible lack of mothering, compassion, and support... yet you've become an adult, married, have strong self-awareness and a keen sense of injustice.
It signifies that you're stronger than you recognize, and it means you have the capacity to learn ways to build on your strengths, increase your self-confidence, and see your mother's abuse as her defective character.... not yours.
But after a long experience of negative messages from family, you'll need the guidance of a professional therapist who'll help you look at the past with the eyes of your adult self, and lean to rise above it emotionally (as you have in practice).
My friends haven't congratulated me after my announcing that I'll be a dad. Initially, I thought they were busy, but now, my wife and I are a week away from her due date and they've said nothing.
They're always on Facebook and can see all the updates about the baby but never even acknowledged the pregnancy.
My spouse is offended and I'm starting to feel the same way.
Confused
It does seem strange and distant; so it's worth your considering closely, who are these "friends" and how did you let them know?
If you posted updates on Facebook only, and to a wide "friends" list - but didn't speak directly to any of your closest buddies, that may also seem distant behaviour on your part.
Social media is a terrific tool for mass or instant communication. But personal contact still matters to many people as a sign of true connection.
Tip of the day:
When the future can't be discussed, the present is a waiting game that can end in disappointment.