My boyfriend passes gas continuously in his sleep and it grosses me out. I honestly don’t know what to do about it. We’ve talked about it in a non-specific way, meaning, I didn’t tell him he was doing it. And when I’m sleeping over, which isn’t always, I think about what we’re eating for dinner. But nothing really changes. I can’t figure out what foods, drinks, activities make it better or worse. It just seems to happen every night no matter what.
To be fair to him, they don’t stink up the room, but I’m not getting that close or lifting the covers for better scent. On that same note though, I’m staying as far away from him as possible in bed and that’s not romantic or loving. But his farting isn’t very sexy.
I’m not sure what to do but this is not what I want for the rest of my life. What are my options here?
No Gas Zone
For starters, I do think you need to talk to your boyfriend. It’s a bit embarrassing for him, but if he knew how you were really feeling, it would be less embarrassing and more about saving your relationship.
I suggest keeping a notepad beside his bed and having him write down what he ate throughout the day, what he drank, and how much exercise he had. Do that for about a month. You need to also keep a notepad on your side and jot down when he passes gas. It’s the only way you’ll be able to decipher a correlation between his daily activities and ingestion with his gassy belly.
Once you’ve done that preliminary investigation, he should probably meet with a nutritionist, dietician and his family doctor. It sounds like a lot, but better to figure it all out without leaving any stone unturned at this juncture. If he can cut out what’s affecting him, you could have scent-free, noise-free sleeps. It could save your relationship, so I think it’s worth the effort.
My boyfriend has somehow become my common-law husband, and I think we’ve missed the boat on getting married and having children. We dated for several years before I was ready to commit to him and start a family. I then brought the idea of marriage up in conversation and he admitted that though that was his plan, he didn’t feel ready at that time. We agreed to table the discussion for a few months.
That happened several times, always with good reason. And then I guess I stopped asking. I’m coming up on my 40th birthday, my husband is a few years older, and I don’t see a wedding or children in our future. I’m regretting my decisions, I think. But then I think, if I had really wanted children, wouldn’t I have done something about it sooner?
I’m so confused!
Clock Ran Out
All normal feelings. However, at 40, your clock may still be ticking. It is not uncommon for women to give birth in their 40s. Not only that, but there are multiple ways to become a mother if motherhood is what you want. And you don’t need anyone’s permission.
If marriage is what you want, then you’re in need of a partner. And if your partner isn’t on board, then perhaps he’s not the right partner for you anymore. From your description, it sounds as though your partner has run the show. For a while you didn’t mind, you may not have even noticed. But now you do.
Time to have a big discussion with him as to what he wants, what you want, and if you two are in alignment, or can even compromise happily. It’s all doable, even at 40.
FEEDBACK Regarding the denied grandparents (March 12):
Reader – “I have a very different perspective on this from my own experiences. The child's parents may have seen something, or their child may have said something, that is causing the parents’ very serious concern. No parent removes grandparent contact without some very good reason.
“This could be anything from diet or medical concerns which were ignored, evidence of physical discipline or neglect, such as spanking or leaving the child in diapers for long periods of time, or the child might have indicated that there was inappropriate sexual behaviour. It could be heavy drinking or who the grandparents see socially. Or violence the child observed between the grandparents.
“I am sure there are other less harmful possibilities, but first and foremost, a parent's responsibility is to protect their child. The grandparents should first be examining their own role in this situation.”