I’ve been in a love triangle for 10 years. 

Initially, my lover wasn’t married. We broke up and he had a one-night stand.

We got back together; things were going well until the girl informed our co-workers she was pregnant with his child. She knew we were back together and would come around.

She pushed me aside and eventually he married her. It was a real mess at work.

I’m now 40, and still in love with him. We haven’t stopped being lovers. She doesn’t know.

He said he panicked and married her not because he loves her but because he grew up without a father and he wanted to do the right thing.

I know that I should end it. But she’ll surely take him for everything and might even move away with their child.

He’s stuck and so am I.

She walked all over me to get him, guilt-tripping him and disrespecting me.

I’m a good person and mean no harm. I’m not sure what to do.

- Suggestions?

Take a hard look in the mirror. You’re 10 years older, with a relationship that’s half a loaf, offering no real sustenance. 

Take a harder look at him – he’s stayed with her. He may say he’s “stuck,” but it’s an excuse for having all that he wants – wife, child, domestic home life, and cheating with a “tortured-romance” edge. This is pure soap opera!

After 10 years without any change, it’s time to get a life for you.

You ARE doing harm… to yourself, and to that child who’s getting less than he deserves from the attention and emotional committment of his father. Collect your dignity and leave this old story behind.

I’m 32, living with my family and left to deal with all the family chores, and little life of my own. 

My parents suddenly went overseas due to an emergency there. Before leaving, they asked my older brother, who lives away from us, to do one important thing. He forgot, so I did it. Also, he never visited when I invited him.

My younger brother who lives with us, has a disability. He works and has time for friends, while I go to college full-time and work four nights.

I cook, clean, and take care of everything.

I’ll never move out to leave my brother fending for himself. Yet, our tradition favours the eldest son, and my brother and I will eventually be left with nothing.

My older brother clearly doesn’t care about us. I feel abandoned.

(Background: My dad used to get drunk and beat my mom, causing huge anger issues between my older brother, my younger brother and me.)

Should I show my anger or continue to be cordial and pretend everything’s okay, and explode one day with frustration?

- Confused

More anger won’t help, but a process of professional therapy can significantly change how you deal with the past and handle the present. Ask your college’s student services or a community agency for referral to a therapist. 

Domestic abuse affects siblings in different ways. Once you have a better understanding of how it’s impacted your own reactions, you may also better understand your older brother.

Also, your education and combined income with your younger brother may help you to eventually move out together.

While you don’t have to pretend everything is perfect, stay the course on working towards more independence and focus on boosting your own self-confidence to handle the future, through therapy.

I’m 24, a lesbian; my girlfriend of five months is 26, more classy and mature, earning well, with a nice house. 

I’m average: I try to make ends meet, live at home with family.

Because of all this, we have relationship problems. We like each other but we argue and fight everyday. She smothers me and I don’t like that.

I believe we’re wasting our time because she complains about wanting a different kind of girlfriend.

When I tell her to date others, she gets mad.

What should I do?

- Confused

Straighten your backbone and walk away. You’re each playing out your worst self-image, which is unhealthy for both of you. 

You think she’s “classier” for superficial reasons, and she thinks she can boss you around.

The way not to be “smothered,” is to not accept it.

You’re not only wasting your time, you’re demeaning yourself, by staying with her.