We’ve been dating for six months - I’m of Chinese ancestry, he’s East Indian, and from a very conservative and academic family. His two older sisters had arranged marriages.

Three months into the relationship, I tried to end it. I openly admitted that my parents are unlikely to accept him. He was equally honest that he didn't want a committal relationship.

We kept staring at each other, and, after leaving the restaurant, he just placed his arms around me. It’s now three months later, we’re both turning 30, and still dating.

I shouldn’t be dating casually. I do want to get married and have kids in the near future. He knows I like him a lot and want a relationship. If he can't reciprocate and knows that his family will never allow an outsider into their family, I need to know.

We’ve been intimate; he treats me very well. He’s very successful in his career, and very ambitious, so his time is limited. He’s very decent and respectful, a gentleman.

However, I’ve yet to meet any of his friends. I don't believe he’s dating anyone else since he’s so career-oriented. I’ve grown to like him; this is why it hurts so much. What should I do? How does he feel? Can he really take me seriously?

Too Many Unknowns

Bite the bullet and break it off. Say that you like him, but if you’re to stay together there’s a lot to handle on both sides, and you both need to be certain you want a future together. Or not.

You two need several months apart to test your feelings – whether you miss each other. Also, whether you have the strength and commitment to handle parents’ opposition, which will likely come, at least until you both assert firm intentions. (They usually soften with grandchildren, but there are no guarantees).

The longer you date without discussing these matters, the harder an eventual split will feel, if that’s the outcome.

My wife’s sister, her husband, and their respective families are mad at my wife and me for not attending their son's recent wedding in Arizona. They don’t accept our reasons: Work for me, and babysitting our grandkids for my wife.

My wife and both our children called with best wishes. We attended a reception they held when they returned. But with the exception of the bride and groom's initial greeting, my wife and I were ignored.

The sisters were very close in the past, but are no longer speaking. The couple apparently feels we’ve been disrespectful to their son, but I don’t understand why or how.

We’d said we’d postpone our summer Italy trip and attend in August (the alternative date) when work and babysitting responsibilities wouldn’t be an issue.

Perplexed

The answer lies in the Italy trip.

They see you’re managing to go there, having made the necessary arrangements, but couldn’t adjust anything for the wedding.

Yes, it’s judgmental but, realistically, that often occurs in families, especially around sensitive issues. 

This wedding was the biggest event for them. Your wife should’ve considered going alone (and the grandchildren having some other babysitting arrangement for three days or so).

That said, you need to repair the relationship somehow. Your wife should apologize to her sister. Keep trying to reconcile. Example - You two could host a barbeque for all family members plus a few close people, to further celebrate the still-newlyweds (who seem more flexible than the parents).

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman whose husband was “friended” by his ex-girlfriend of at least 28 years ago, who was the mother of his child (June 6):

Reader – “This is tricky… what if he actually sent the “friend” request? He’s not likely to admit that, seeing how his wife has reacted. I was contacted by an old flame via FB (he’s married, I’m single) and he told his wife I contacted him. People lie.

“If the woman sent the request, being single, likely feeling lonely and remembering when… and if he accepted her request just to be a good guy, then why did he accuse his wife of being “petty and jealous?”

“I’d keep a close eye on this situation – I might even (if I were the wife) “friend” her just to shake things up a little. After all, it’s her marriage and if it’s been good, she has the right to protect it.”