I’m the divorced father of a daughter, 24, who’s finishing her post-graduate studies and working part-time. Yet her mother constantly criticizes and belittles her! 

She lives with her mother and stepfather, but is more open and comfortable with me, so visits often as I’m on my own. Should I invite her to live with me??

- Worried Dad

Continue to be supportive, but help her gain independence from both you and her mother. You’ll best refute the criticisms by showing pride in your daughter’s accomplishments, and assuring her that she’ll soon be ready to move out on her own.

I’m 25, female, recently hit by a driver running a stop sign. My car was destroyed; I’m left with injuries that prevent me from working at a job I love, and from seeing friends. 

I have enormous fears about getting behind the wheel again, and also experience high anxiety being driven in a car. How can I overcome this anxiety?

Please remind your readers that many accidents are preventable – we need to slow down, respect traffic lights and stop signs, and get off the cell phone.

- Afraid to Drive

Thanks for reminding us all of the potential debilitating impact of preventable car accidents – physically, emotionally and socially. 

Your reaction isn’t uncommon, according to medical and psychiatric experts, who say that people who’ve been in severe car accidents should be screened for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Symptoms include difficulty concentrating, irritability, insomnia, feelings of detachment from others, difficulty driving and riding in a car and persistent thoughts about the accident.

Find a local therapist who specializes in this field through the Canadian Psychological Association, at www.cpa.ca.

I’m married, and we have a baby. 

I grew up with strong family values as did our friends – raised fairly strictly with Catholic ideologies.

My husband has a son, 6, from a previous relationship; he stays with us twice weekly. My nephew, and friends’ children, are confused about why he has a different mother. Some friends have just said I’m his mother, because they don’t know how to explain it. I’m getting anxious about to explain this to my own son -- that he has a half-brother and that his father had a child with another woman.

How do I stick to my values and principles and raise children with the same ideas of right and wrong while their father is in this situation? My husband shares my beliefs in raising our children, these aren’t just my feelings.

- Anxious

Your anxiety about explanations to your son - who won’t need them for several years – reflect your own discomfort over your husband’s “situation.” This child is now a part of your family, and you need to get comfortable with that reality, especially for the boy’s sake.

None of the children in your circle are growing up in a vacuum. I assure you that, should their parents struggle with what to say, the children will quickly respond, “Oh, you mean she’s his stepmom.” That is what you are, and the sooner you can speak truth to your son when he’s able to comprehend simple ideas, the better… as in, “Daddy had a child before he married me, and so you have a half-brother. What would you like for lunch?”

The best way to demonstrate values is to live them, be up front about what happens sometimes when you don’t, plus the lessons learned. I’m sure your husband has worked through all that, and now, you need to truly accept it.

I’ll be graduating soon and was offered a job across the country. I should accept, as the position interests me. However, my parents are very angry at me, so I’m having second thoughts. 

My sister says they’re surprised and hurt because they think I’m still a “baby.” How should I let them know this opportunity is important to me and I’d appreciate their support?

- Unsure

If you’re not depending on your parents to help finance your move, then handling it responsibly yourself - along with providing contacts for staying in touch – will show you’re not still their “baby.” 

However, if you need their help, you must include them in your plans. Familiarize them with the job and its opportunities; and suggest an advance visit to the area together, to look for accommodation.

When they see you’ve found somewhere safe to live, and you set up frequent contact, they’ll be less worried.