My fiancée and I are great together but she’s not into sex like I am. 

During our five years together (both still living with parents), our sex life has been so limited that it’s always just the usual positions. I have to beg her for oral sex, though I have no problem in return.

I’m tired of telling her to surprise me, to wear something sexy to start the foreplay; nothing changes.

This isn’t stopping our marrying next year, but I’d like to fix my fiancée’s sexual side before it does affect it.

I haven’t cheated and don’t plan to. I’m 27 and she’s 34.

- Frustrated

Sexual freedom will increase naturally, when you two are living together in your own place. Until then, the constraints of time, location and opportunity will continue to have an effect. 

Stop framing your fiancée’s inhibitions as something for you to “fix.” If what she’s lacking is experience and the comfort level to experiment, the two of you can work on that together once you’re on your own. Taking more time for intimacy and reading a reputable sex manual together, can help.

If mutually desired, seeing a sex therapist together can also improve things.

However, if your fiancée continues to have lower sex drive than you, you’ll both have to compromise.

My live-in girlfriend is a hot Latin beauty who’s brought fun into my life after my divorce. However, she maintains contact with her estranged husband and hasn’t even completed a separation agreement with him, after three years apart. 

Lately she’s been staying out late, even gone for a whole weekend, and not explained where she’s been.

- Getting Suspicious

Confront her. This situation is no longer fun, and you need to know where you stand. 

If she brushes off your questions, or gives a weak explanation, take a cool break from each other and re-assess six months later.

My younger sister, 48, is a 15-year crack addict, though formerly an intelligent, fairly successful businesswoman. She lives hand to mouth, with a son, 10 who has multiple disabilities because she smoked throughout her pregnancy. Her house is about to be foreclosed; she lives in filth, is always dirty and unkempt as is her son. 

I’ve contacted Family Services many times, as have others. They recently deemed her “satisfactory” and closed her case; somehow she manages to slip through the system.

She works until she’s fired, then eventually hits up family members. I’m the only one giving her money for food, driving her around the city, trying to talk her into rehab.

If I resist, she screams that her child will starve, or she panhandles and prostitutes, with the child in tow.

I have my own family, job and life. I want to cut off contact with her. I’m depressed and feel she’s an albatross around my neck that I can never get rid of!

- Frustrated Sister

You’ve been a caring sister and tried your best with her it’s time to focus instead on your nephew. Re-contact child welfare authorities, explain his mother’s destructive pattern, and pressure them for action on the boy’s behalf. 

If you don’t think you can handle getting custody yourself (or the constant involvement with her), push for getting him into foster care where you can maintain regular contact. He’s at grave risk from this lifestyle, and your being pro-active is the right thing to do.

It’s about possibly saving a life, not stressing over an “albatross.”

I married an “only child,” whose mother rolls her eyes at me, and talks about me; both his parents are hostile to me because I won’t take their advice; my husband takes their side. 

We’ve not had sex for one year – when I ask, he says he’s tired; he’s always on his computer, avoiding me.

He doesn’t know how a marriage works. His parents sleep separately and constantly argue.

- Fed Up

Deal with the marriage, more than the in-laws. Stop fighting the small stuff, and decide what you want for your future. 

See a lawyer to get a clear understanding of responsibilities and support issues.

Then, think through what adjustments both you and your husband need to make to stay together. When you talk to him, be firm that you won’t be just excluded and ignored, which is what’s happening so far.