I'm a man, married 18 years, active and healthy, but my wife says we're getting "too old" (mid-40s) to be playful in our sex life.

We used to spend a long time in the bedroom being intimate together. Now, it's a reverse case of "slam, bam." She's too busy, too tired, or says our teenagers may hear.

Lately she's added that she's uncomfortable physically sometimes, though she never was before.

Is she just less interested in me? When I ask, she tosses off, "Don't be stupid."

Colder Nights

You're not stupid, you're rightfully concerned, but you may be missing something here. If she's experiencing the early effects of hormone changes - menopause - she may feel a drying effect that can make sex play and intercourse somewhat painful. But it can easily be treated and sex enjoyed again. Express concern for her and recommend a doctor's visit.

Also, try setting a "date night" (or weekend afternoon) when the teenagers have an outside activity, and the bedroom door gets locked for "parental privacy."

It's a great silent message that parents still love each other in all the healthy ways.

I don't have any children but I'm close to my cousin and her two little girls, ages two and three. I've noticed that she talks about them negatively sometimes - almost joking - and it really bothers me. I wonder what effect it'll have on the kids.

She'll call the younger one The Fusspot, the older one The Crier. She uses these names when telling anecdotes to her friends, and to the girls themselves. Or she'll say seriously, "Stop being a Fusspot," so the word's out there, harshly, for the kids to hear.

When she says it to me, I say, "Do you mean Carla?" But she ignores or doesn't get the message to stop using those derogatory names.

Is there a way I can say directly that I think it's harmful, without really offending her or having her brush me off because I don't have kids?

Concerned

Labels are never a positive way of dealing with a child's annoying behaviour. It may be a type of shorthand for a busy mom to relieve her frustration, it may add a comic touch to her Mommy-tales, but it stamps the child with that image.

She'll get much farther by trying to find the cause of a child's resorting to fussiness or crying for attention. One may be more sensitive than she realizes, or their routines may be too rushed for the children to absorb or make transitions.

But, with a label, the child gets locked into that reaction, since it does get the attention, albeit in a negative reaction from Mom.

Sometimes it may be that more planning ahead helps, such as choosing the next day's clothes on the night before, or less programming is needed, so there's less hurrying to the next thing.

Tell your cousin how much you care for her kids, and what a great mom she is. Say that you see how some of the girls' habits can bother her, so you've been thinking about some approaches.

Then say it's because you worry that they'll get used to being The Fusspot and The Crier, and keep it up. Also, that others like neighbours and other family members may label them that way.

Ask her if she can think of other ways to handle it, and then "brainstorm" some positive strategies, such as dropping the names and comforting the children a bit longer when they're stressed.

My fiancé and I are both late-20s and new to sharing each other's family events. We're both facing difficulties. Example: His extended family eats gargantuan meals together every Sunday night whereas I was used to light meals and early, quiet nights before the workweek.

I have a sister who's breastfeeding, and doesn't believe in leaving the room or covering up. (She's adept at lifting her t-shirt without flashing her breast and has been doing it for months).

Our family's all used to it, but my fiancé gets very uncomfortable. How do I handle this without upsetting my sister or him?

Awkward

With breastfeeding a popular - and natural - trend, and in a close family setting, it's your fiancé who needs to adapt. He can position himself so that he's not in the direct eye-line of your sister, he can get up and walk around, or go help in the kitchen.