I’m a girl, 22, whose very close friend has a boyfriend who’s sexually offensive, e.g. with suggestive comments and bum-slaps in her presence.
I’ve chosen to ignore it; but recently, he’s twice sexually molested me while I was sleeping; I awakened to his hands on my body beneath my undergarments.
One occasion, I was at a cottage and he came into the bed after I fell asleep. The second time, I was sleeping on my friend’s sofa and he left her bedroom and molested me.
Our other close friend also claims that he’s touched her inappropriately.
We confronted our friend; she’s not taken it well. She says her boyfriend was drunk and “doesn’t remember” those incidents. She also says he “has a problem.”
Two years ago he was sexually violent to one of her former roommates. Our friend told us to leave her alone, that she’s invested lots of time in her relationship.
She’s alienating us when it’s clear her boyfriend has committed a criminal act.
Should we call her parents to intervene further?

- Distraught Friends

By making excuses for this guy, your friend’s allowing him to carry on… until someone charges him with a sexual offence, or she’s herself the victim of his violence.
Telling her parents is the right thing to do in this case; however, it’ll likely end your friendship, for quite a while. It’s a risk worth taking, to save her from great misery later.
Give her parents written, detailed facts of her boyfriend’s behaviour to you. Since she believes he has “a problem,” her parents should insist that he get professional counselling or else they’ll report these incidents to the police.

I’m 25, married three years, with my husband seven years total; he’s been looking at me like the man who wrote you about his “wife’s shocking appearance” (July 4).
He tells me many times a day that I need to “fix myself," that I’m fat, etc. It breaks my heart.
We have a baby daughter, 14-months, and I’m going back to college in September. All he does is party and waste what little money we have.
He says he loves me and wants to be with me, but never stops the insults.
Is there hope that he’ll change or am I wasting my time?

- Broken-hearted

Hubby needs greater “fixes” than weight loss: He’s immature, irresponsible and mean. Perhaps he’s overwhelmed by fatherhood and new demands on his time... if so, he’s handling his reaction badly by taking it out on you.
Give him the benefit of the doubt, that he can change. Say that your own focus has been taking care of your baby and getting ready for the busier life of a mother and student.
If YOU feel you need to lose weight, see your doctor for a check-up and some sensible regimes like greater fitness (for starters, daily walks with the baby) and better nutrition.
Tell your husband you’re working on your part, but he needs to work on his – less partying, less spending on unnecessary items.
If he doesn’t step up as a responsible partner, get legal advice.

My father’s always been overly critical of me, though I’m 38, and a father of three, I can’t do anything quite right in his eyes. I have a decent job earning enough to meet my family’s expenses.
My father’s offered me a senior position in his business – more money but working with him every day.

- Should I take it?

No.

Recently, while talking to a close friend, I discovered that her “must-haves” in a guy rule me out. I’ve never been interested in dating her, but recently felt interested in her sisters.
However, pursuing this thought will change the dynamics of our relationship. How can I delve into this while minimizing the awkwardness (and potential damage) to our friendship?

- Thinking Ahead

Too much analysis, not enough reality: 1) Pick a sister; do NOT pursue a possibility of “either or,” it’ll turn all of them off.
2) The sister you choose is sure to have different “must-haves” from the others.
3) Recognize that you need to be absolutely sure and sincere about your interest, or your friend will resent your “playing around” with her sibling, an end the friendship.
4) Tell your friend of your dating interest – but only after you’ve elicited some level of interest back from Sis.