My boyfriend of three years and I have lived together for a year. His previous relationship ended three years ago, after seven years together, including three years co-habitating.

He’s continued to see his ex at least once or twice monthly for dinner, with her, or as a member of a dinner party. I’m never invited.

Previously, he kept her invitations secret but he’s now agreed to tell me the truth.

It upsets me - more out of disrespect than jealousy. She also calls our home to speak to him after 9pm.

He says he’ll remain friends with her, seeing or speaking to her on the phone whenever he wants.

He says it’s my problem if I’m upset and blowing it way out of proportion.

I say when you live with someone there are obligations and responsibilities.

I’ve asked if they want to get back together - he assures me that’s never going to happen.

Am I overreacting to these dinner invitations?

Excluded Partner

No, you’re not overreacting. But you do sound jealous, which he can combat by saying you’re off base.

Rudeness is what’s happening, by both of them. And exclusion, which dismisses your relationship as a couple.

He’s unlikely to accept you entertaining former boyfriends, and barring your presence.

Yes, he had a long relationship with her and wants to remain friends. That’s fine, so long as you’re part of that friendship circle. Since you’re not, he’s not fully your partner.

Note: This is a man who needed someone else (you) very soon after his long relationship with her ended. He wasn’t finished.

He may not agree, but then, he’s a guy who does what he wants.

Unless you both understand that the problem is him, not just her and not your reaction, you can’t count on staying together.

I lived away from my husband of 28 years for a number of recent years due to some tragic circumstances. However, we communicated daily.

I’ve since returned home to live with him.

Although he isn't religious, he attended a church with a couple of our mutual friends while I was away.

My friend told me that my husband confided in the female priest numerous times.

I now attend the same church. I noticed that the female priest is very flirtatious with my husband. And he seems very fond of her. Their eye contact suggests some kind of special relationship.

He isn't happy whenever I make negative comments about her, and comes to her defence.

I met with the priest once in a restaurant to discuss a church event. I was frustrated and upset by some appalling remarks she made about me, e.g. sarcastic comments that the color of my hair is the same as her 70-year-old mother’s, when I’m in my 50s.

She spoke with me in a totally different way from how she speaks with my husband.

I’m surprised at her inappropriate behaviour. She’s also in her 50s and is not an attractive woman.

How do I handle this situation?

Frustrated and Upset

The priest clearly provided your husband (and herself) with a comfortable friendship while you were absent. That’s not necessarily suggestive of anything “wrong.”

However, your return has naturally interfered with their closeness. It seems she resents this, even if sub-consciously.

Be gracious, to see if that helps. Invite the priest and the other couples over to your place and be your husband’s warm hostess.

Hopefully, when your spousal status and couple lifestyle is obvious, she’ll back off making comments.

My son and daughter-in-law just had a baby boy. He weighed six pounds.

He was “tongue–tied” so needed a little laser surgery done so he could breastfeed.

But I'm so worried about him. He’s so skinny.
When I asked my son three times about it, he got very angry with me for questioning his parenting skills. He told me to stop, as it was stressing him out.
Deeply Hurt Grandmother

Sorry, but you need to back off.

This is a very sensitive time for new parents, both of whom are anxious about their baby’s well-being.

The laser surgery on his tongue is a common, minor procedure.

But getting a baby into a breastfeeding routine is often problematic, and harder with small babies who keep falling asleep.

Meanwhile, the new mother cannot take any critical-seeming doubts. They have a doctor, she can get breastfeeding advice from professionals.

Your grandson will be fine. Keep your in-law relationship fine.