My girlfriend of two years broke off with me six months ago because she said that I wasn't taking the next step in my life by moving in with her.

But in fact, it's because her dad and I never got along. He didn't seem to like me from the start and little by little it ate into my respect for him, due to his insensitive comments and behavior.

I still miss her. She sent me a text over the holidays wishing me well. I still believe that maybe someday she'll come back to me but I can't just put my life on hold and wait. What should I do?

Lonely

Stop missing and start thinking: There's no chance of a relationship with her if you don't speak openly together about her father's behaviour and how you can both confront and handle it, as a couple.

She'd need to insist that her father accept you as her chosen partner, before you could even consider moving in with her. If she's currently living with her father, or sees him often, you both must set agreed boundaries between him and you two.

Unless she is willing to take these steps to have you in her life, you're better off to move on.

My very close friend lives in fear of her husband in a terrible situation, under his controls. She's married with children, both are professionals in different fields, and appear to have a perfect home.

But he sees her as an appliance in that home, and their marriage license as ownership to do as he wishes with her. She dreads the thought of sex with him; the love has long been gone.

She's tried to leave several times but with no success. He then gains more control and limits her friends, keeps tabs on her at work, and makes sure she calls him at lunch to know where she is at all times.

I believe he's slapped her in the past and recently forced sex on her but she stays for fear of losing her kids, or him spreading rumours about her at her job, or even physical harm to her, or a possible lover in her future, if she got away.

She also worries she won't have enough money to go it alone (he makes four times her income).
Extremely Concerned!

She needs clear information and a strong wake-up about how dangerous her husband's abuse can become, for her and the children. Already, they're growing up in an emotionally abusive environment, and staying with him is not in their best interest, as any court will decide, given the facts.

To help, research the legal information for her jurisdiction, showing her that her husband can be criminally charged for his abuse, and that divorce laws provide for children's support as well as some division of assets.

Since she's a working professional herself, there's no chance she'll be left without enough money to manage. (His better income is useless if she's beaten and kept isolated).

Contact the Abused Women's Shelter or similar organization in your area and get her to start making a safe exit plan with their help. She can speak to a lawyer and to the agency while at work, away from her husband.

She should also make a record (kept secure at work) of his past threats and abuses. As for his threatening her reputation at her work, its just more evidence of bullying.

FEEDBACK Regarding the person whose friend is stealing from her (Dec. 26):

Reader - "I wouldn't have this friend over until this problem is resolved. I would keep all my belongings with me when out in public and try to talk to her there. I wouldn't want to know she took something very important from me when I could've prevented it."

Another View

When a friend suddenly starts stealing your things, it signals an inner problem he/she isn't willing or able to express. So an easy admission is highly unlikely due to the shame, plus the covering up the person's underlying troubles.

That's why I suggest leaving out something (not a precious item) so there can be a confrontation through catching the person. Hopefully this would lead to discussing what's behind it all. If not, the friendship's not likely to thrive, anyway, due to distrust on both sides.