I’m a man, mid-20’s, own a nice house, a car, have a solid job, enough friends and am not worried about my looks. But, what’s always seemed out of reach is a steady relationship.
I’ve only had an “official” girlfriend once in eight years and it lasted a month. I’m starting to understand, “Nice guys finish last.” I can’t get the attention of the women in whom I’m interested and I’m terrible at the first approach. Once past the meeting/greeting period though, I’m usually fine.
I have issues I think I have to address (lack of self-confidence caused by this problem, never picking up on signs, etc.) but no idea where to start. I know I’ll need help before long. Where do you think I should start?

- Hopeless

Start with attitude, and push away your negative outlook. Pessimism and self-doubt flash a visible, alarm signal to potential dates: “This guy’s looking like a loser.” You are NOT a loser; in fact, you have all the attributes most women list when they’re looking for a serious relationship. Yes, they do want “nice” guys when they’re ready for a long-term union.
But they also want a guy with reasonable self-confidence, who conveys strength of character in someone they can trust. So work on your self-image.
If you need individual counselling to do that - with professional help in getting rid of past hang-ups and insecurities - go for it. It may be the most positive thing you can do to prepare for a future relationship; and it’ll look good on you.

The man I live with has two children in university; their relationship is loving but with sporadic contact.
Initially, I tried to just to get to know them, I have no desire to be a mother figure, but I want them to accept that I’m in their father’s life.
The more I see the way they treat him – basically, only when they want money - the more I’ve come to dislike them. He’s not been the perfect father but he loves them so much and refuses to say anything to them and wreck the time they do see him.
I’m in total avoidance, even from their phone calls. Is there another way for me to cope without hurting their father?

- Annoyed

You’ve reduced yourself to their level, by withdrawing emotionally from something that’s difficult to handle. You’re not their mother, but you ARE their father’s partner, and not a helpful one.
Children of divorce don’t have it easy, no matter how much money gets thrown their way… their lives were disrupted, they often have to live with an angry parent who badmouths their other parent, and they frequently choose to cope by staying distant… until they mature or someone works at repairing these deep hurts.
Your partner is trying to wait out their distancing. But it’s not likely to work, if you behave as if they owe you attention and respect, when you show no respect or interest in them.
Wise up, if you intend to stick around and have eventual peace in this family. Be pleasant when they call; show interest in their studies. Invite them out individually and on your own for a casual coffee, to see a movie etc.
As for their relationship to their father, if you become a real teammate and welcoming to his kids, they might find other reasons than money to call and visit.

I’m in high school and a really nice person, but it’s hard for me to make good friends.
I’m tired of people acting like my friend for a day because I helped them with a math question and then never speaking to me again.
How do I separate those who really do appreciate me from those who just care about my smarts?

- Lonely In Niagara Falls

Be friendly to all, but discriminating when it comes to making friends.
There are other “smart” kids around – seek them out. When you’re back at school, join a study group, a math or science club, etc.
Meanwhile, spend your summer weeks expanding your interests and opportunities to meet new people. Example: Sign up for swimming or tennis classes through your local park/community centre, or join a book club through your neighbourhood library.
And practice your conversation skills about things other than school subjects.