I found myself in a love triangle with a married woman and another guy who’s not her husband. When we became intimate, the woman said that the other guy was now just her friend.     
      Through her email account, I realized four months later, that she was also intimate with him. She spent the day before her birthday with him instead of me because he asked her first.      
      On her birthday, she was still with him and changed our rendezvous from 4 to 5 to 6 pm. I told her to spend the rest of the weekend with him and left to go fishing.     
      I still love her and want her back. It’s been two months and I know the whole thing is wrong and I should just let it go because she says he fought for her all the way.      
      Her husband hasn't slept with her for two years and they have three children. Should I just stay out, try to be friends, or win her back.
      - Unsure

Get in line, this lady likes choice. Maybe you love her free spirit, but I predict it’ll eventually bite you. She already has no problem lying to you, or making you wait while she plays around elsewhere.     
      Whatever her problems are with her husband, she’s run away from them rather than part cleanly. Even her children don’t get to see Mom on her birthday, if she’s got a better “date.”      
      Don’t just “stay out” of this mess … run! And get yourself checked for sexually transmitted diseases; you’ve shared her with at least one other and you can’t trust the “no-sex-with-Hubby” saga, either.

My husband has his niece, 24, living with us for four years. She has no social skills, no ambition, no personal hygiene and no concept of keeping a clean environment.
      We’ve talked to her about going back to school; I suppose she’s happy working at a mall, for who knows how long.      
      She works 5-days-a-week and her extent of friends are all online in different countries! She can spend all day and night on that computer, locked away in her bedroom.
      She rarely showers and doesn’t wash her clothes, though we’ve talked to her about this. She smells. Her room’s carpeted with clothes, boxes, stuffed animals, food containers, old food, packaging and hairballs. It has a constant odor.     
      She says all the right things to get us off her case, but refuses to carry out simple tasks. I’ve suggested she move out on her own, but my husband refuses. Any suggestions?
      - Wit’s End

You and your husband need to have this out. He’s doing the girl no favour by indulging her as a helpless child. She already has no self-esteem, is possibly depressed and could end up with worse problems if one of her online “friends” takes advantage of her in some way.     
      There are predators of every type out there, preying on such vulnerable people.    
      If Uncle Hero wants to really help her, he should insist she get career counselling and find it for her, accompany her and pay for it and urge her into a process to improve her life – taking courses, seeking an internship, and/or volunteering, to develop her skills. He should also get her a therapist to help build her confidence towards becoming independent.      
      Meanwhile, she needs boundaries – e.g. she either clears her room, showers and does her own laundry, or she must move. If Hubby doesn’t agree, set your own boundaries, for example, having him pay for weekly cleaning help.

Dear Readers - With so many people writing about the stress on intimacy from their busy lives as parents and householders, here’s one couple’s solution:    
      “With two small children and a house, my husband and I created ‘Sexy Saturdays.’ We agreed that no matter what needed doing, we’d not get up till 10 a.m. on Saturdays.       
      “Our small children were trained not to even knock on the door beforehand. Our relatives and friends knew not to contact us.    
      “At 10 a.m., we let the children in and have a party together with pillow-fighting. If the house was dirty, too bad; if an errand wasn’t done, too bad.      
      “I had priorities set up as my doctor had instructed me: When lacking time, first mind the needs of the humans around you, then animals, then plants. And then the house.      
      “I’ve seen many people sacrificing their needs as humans in favor of a pretty house.”