I reconnected with an ex of 25 years ago. I'm early 50's, divorced, lived alone afterwards for 20 years. I have no children and work at a professional job.
He said he’s been separated from his wife for seven years (now 10).

He’s a well- known politician, mid-60's, has no children. I said I wouldn't go out with him if he’s a married man and don’t want a discreet relationship.
After two years’ dating, he said that the person he’s living with is his common-law partner. But they haven't shared a bed for seven years.

He said it’s no love relationship, just daily routine, and friendship. I believed and trusted him.

We travelled together, and I attended political functions with him. We love each other and have perfect sexual chemistry. After 18 months, he proposed, saying everything will work out soon.

However, I got suspicious because he went home every night and we only travelled when his partner wasn’t in town. Also, he brings her to special occasions with his family.

He ignored me during those days. I felt left out, betrayed, humiliated. He shares his credit card and bank account with her. When we travelled, we used my credit card. He said he’d pay back, but didn’t.

Moving out from his house was postponed due to excuses, e.g. his partner’s mother died, there was an election, etc.

I’ve finally concluded that he’s playing me, taking advantage, abusing me emotionally. He’ll just keep lying. I no longer trust him. My family and I feel deceived, that he’s not a decent man, is a pathological and situational liar. What should I do?

Betrayed by Lies

Run. If possible, take a self-indulgent break to a spa or an adventure trip - focus on taking care of YOU. Expand your own horizons doing something compelling, rather than be exploited for his needs.

He’s the worst kind of public figure who gets away (till now) with charm and subterfuge, and uses people just because he can.

It won’t be easy to give up on the romantic dream you’ve formed, with his deceptive encouragement, nor on the sexual connection. Keep reminding yourself that the longer you stayed with a lying, emotionally abusive rat (probably a cheater too, with his bed-partner) the harder it’d be on your self-esteem.

Getting out now, with no further contact, is your much-needed act of self-affirmation.

I met this much younger woman online a few weeks ago and I have feelings for her. I think she has the same feelings or so she says.

However, she lives in the U.S. and I live in Canada. We talk every evening on the net and it’s very serious between us. I fell in love with her. Is this okay?

She’s half my age. Is this also okay to be attracted to her like I am? None of my family knows about her yet. I don’t really want to tell them.

Secret Love

If you thought this was all okay, you wouldn’t write me. And you’d tell your family.

You’re infatuated with the idea of love. It’s not love unless sustained when you meet in person. I also suspect she’s very young, which could mean it’s illegal for you to have a relationship if she’s underage. You need to see her and know it’s her, when online. It could also be anyone playing you.

Ultimately, you’d have to visit her… but first be certain of her age and maturity to handle a real in-person relationship.

My husband and I are professionals in different companies. We’re in a demanding field - long hours, high stress, international travel. We thrive on it, but our marriage doesn’t.

I had a one-night incident with a client and hated myself. He’s had two months-long affairs, but swears he never considered leaving me. I still resent this. We see a marriage counselor. But I don’t see how we’ll both stay faithful forever.

Crossed Lines

There’s no magic bullet to make a relationship work within a stressed and ambitious lifestyle. It takes both making your union a priority, and balancing outside demands.

Insist that you both find the time for continued therapy together (after all, busy people somehow find time for affairs).

Explore new strategies, and try joint projects like a special getaway, that forms bonding memories. IF you both commit to making it work, you could be just as brilliant at this part of your life.