I dated this girl on and off for a year; we seemed really stubborn with each other, continuously having arguments that kept killing off our feelings for one another. We broke it off in May, but stayed in contact as friends. 

I don’t think I’m in love with her, but I can’t keep away from her and from wanting to be with her as a couple.

We’re both 17, and although she’s my first real lover, I’m her fourth person to date.

I’m feeling resentful towards her and have no idea how to stop these urges to talk to her.

- Wanting to Move On

You have a whopping case of first-timer’s insecurity, which is as natural as blushing. But you now have an advantage to work on it: you’ve had some experience. 

Reason must handle emotion: Tell yourself that you now understand the great feeling of being with someone as a couple, but you’ve also learned what you don’t want in a girlfriend.

You DON’T want a constant opponent.

You DON’T want resentment and anger towards you, nor within yourself.

Focus on increasing your opportunities to meet new girls to date, and look for someone who appreciates your ideas, and whose company is enjoyable.

Also, recognize that this isn’t a positive “friendship” with your former girlfriend, just neediness. The best way to outgrow it is to gain self-confidence in relationships with compatible friends and dates.

My daughter-in-law has mental health problems and continually leaves her toddler with a different babysitter (they don’t stay because her house is a chaotic mess). 

My son is distraught but won’t leave her. What can we do?

- Worried Grandparents

Support them both any way you can. 

Help him encourage her to have regular contact with a mental health professional.

Recommend that they find a good day care.

Pitch in, as much as possible – e.g. taking the child one weekend day, helping pay for a cleaning service, etc.

My boyfriend and I, along with his daughter, 19, planned to attend a street festival. We travelled by public transport and by foot, across a major city, to attend a wine tasting. 

When a security guard there asked for my boyfriend's daughter’s identification, we said she didn’t bring I.D., that she’s 19 but would only be ordering a soft drink. He refused us admission.

There were no signs restricting admittance by age and I noticed one group with three youngsters all under 12. But the guard insisted that he was complying with the management’s policy not to permit anyone in without proper I.D.

When I later contacted the restaurant manager/owner, he made all sorts of excuses and didn’t seem to care about the actual details.

- Reasonable or Discriminatory?

The incident is over, but your right to vote with your feet is not. Since you feel that the treatment was unreasonable, you’ll be unlikely to ever go to this place again. 

However, the security guard can’t be blamed for following policy, if he had strict orders that people of drinking age carry I.D. (since he couldn’t be expected to monitor what they ordered).

It’s the owner of the place who could’ve shown savvy customer service when he heard your story, by offering you a free visit – drinks or lunch – in the future. But he blew that chance.

Incidentally, every adult’s personal policy should be to always carry identification when travelling around a large city, for a variety of reasons.

My husband and I occasionally entertain some 30 guests; we hire a caterer to buy the food and cook.  

We ask that any leftover food be left at our home, and give each staff person a $100 tip. Yet they’ll take food home - uncooked steaks, dessert, cheese, etc.

I find this upsetting. They usually charge about $1700 for the event, and we feel we’re paying them well and don’t understand why they’d risk our not hiring them again.

- Dilemma

Like any other business arrangement, you need to be clear and firm about what you want. But you also need to ask what the caterer expects. 

During the long period of preparation and serving, if the staff don’t get a chance to eat, they may feel that taking some food home is equivalent to their “lunch break” on the job. Or they may be charging you only for what was used. Discuss ahead.