I've been in a roller coaster, hot-n-cold relationship with my guy for five years; it seems we get too close for his liking and he pulls away.
The thing is I've never liked roller coasters rides. I've given way more than I ever received, and know in my head this guy is no good for me and will never change.
Last week, while on vacation, I learned from a mutual friend that my boyfriend "had met someone." I was hurt, especially since I've always asked him to be honest with me no matter what.
I called him and said to never contact me again and to act like we've never met. I didn't give an explanation for this call.
What's your best advice for moving on with my life and to get him out of my heart?

- Looking Ahead in Illinois

You’ve already got your feet back on the ground, so listen to your own instincts, and stay OFF roller-coasters. That means: no Drama Kings, no one-way giving, no hanging on to bad-news guys.
Maybe you were previously afraid to be on your own; maybe you once thought you’d be the one to change him. You’ve now learned to use better judgment far sooner… just like you know not to even buy a ticket for roller-coaster rides!

My girlfriend and I have had a very healthy relationship for the past five years. We took a hiatus last year for several months because she wasn’t sure if I was “the one.”
However, she admitted that, at the time, there was a lot of negativity going on in her life, and it may’ve caused her to shut everyone out.
We made the transition back to a couple, but our sex life remains almost non-existent; this has been going on for two years. It’s led to feelings of insecurity, bitterness and paranoia on my part, though I’m certain she isn’t going around behind my back.
She insists it’s nothing to do with me physically, but I cannot break through and find the real root of the issue.
We can’t really afford counselling, so what should our next step be? I love her too much to consider this as a threat to the relationship, but it really is wearing on my patience.

- Frustrated in Toronto

Here’s a clear guideline for most couple relationships: Unless BOTH partners agree that they don’t want sex with each other, or at all, one of them will end up unhappy, frustrated, angry and suspicious. In this case, that’s you. So, get real, this IS a threat to your relationship.
Ask yourself, Why accept this for a long-term arrangement? You say “Love,” I say “insecurity.” Counselling is affordable in many areas, through community agencies, churches and other faith organizations. You both need it – separately, since she has deep-rooted reasons for rejecting intimacy, and you have untapped reasons for going along.
Otherwise, break up, and avoid dragging this into a longer pattern of dissatisfaction and second-class status in the relationship.

An old friend sent a group email that he’s dying of cancer and would like visitors; we’d parted on bad terms years ago. Should I visit him anyway?
He’s 43, and our other friends say the diagnosis is definite.

- Uncomfortable

Visit. It’s important for both of you. Talk about the fun times in the past.
If he raises the bad parting, apologize for your part in it. Give him peace, and find it for yourself, too.

I cannot stand one of my roommates; when everyone else is sleeping by 1 am, he’s stomping around, perpetually door-slamming, and blaring music.
He wears dirty shoes after we just cleaned the floors; he never puts dishes away or takes out garbage. I’m the one most in contact with him.
I love my location, my rent, and my other roommates. Is it useless to speak to him?

- Fed Up

Speak directly but without demeaning him; if that doesn’t work, try the power of group persuasion: Write out specific complaints (neither petty nor personal attacks) that your other roomies also sign. Then, kindly but firmly, ask him to make changes for group comfort.
If he refuses, try asking your landlord for ideas (she/he may also not appreciate a disturbing element in an otherwise-smooth rental group, and might talk to him). Last resorts: get earplugs, or move nearby with people you know.