My sister (33) and I (38) have not been getting along for a very long time. Recently, she’s been dating a top bloke - a vice-president of a major bank, from a wealthy, highly educated family, and an only son.

He's also spoiled and has a bad temper. They’re planning to get married next year.

It happens that I dated him ten years ago and his self-centered attitude is still the same.

When she brings him to family functions, I feel uncomfortable and awkward, and would rather hide to avoid speaking to him.

I also recently broke up with my longtime boyfriend (so I have nobody by my side for support).

She’s been introducing her single girlfriends to my ex boyfriend through Facebook, behind my back, and inviting him to attend their group outings. However, she does not welcome me to join her group.

How do I deal with it? Why does she act this way? If they do get married, how do I accept him?

Awkward Ties

You’re contributing to the long-standing sibling rivalry that you call “not getting along,” by calling this guy your “ex-boyfriend.”

That was ten years ago. Get over it. He’s her fiancé now, since they’re planning marriage. And he’ll be at your family’s gatherings from now on.

She’s responding to you this way, 1) because you make your attitude obvious, by showing discomfort and speaking little in his presence, and 2) you both apparently accepted having a poor relationship, long before this guy came on scene.

It’s up to you, Sis, to rise above it. He’s going to be your brother-in-law, part of your family. Presumably you and he have no abuse or major issue from the past. And, he wasn’t the right guy for you.

You don’t need “support” to be around him - you just need civil manners and a small effort at family harmony.

You’ll bring your own love to the table in time, and you’ll be glad you created an atmosphere to welcome him.

I have three siblings, a sister-in-law, and a brother-in-law. On my dad's birthday, we decided to buy some take-out food and have a meal at my parents' house.

My siblings and I were trying to decide what kind of food to buy and how much to spend. My sister suggested we spend $120. I said, "Okay, so $20 each?" And my sister said, "No, $30 each."

Is it rude to ask my married brother and sister to have their spouses pay? The way I see it, they're now my dad's kids and no longer guests.

And, if they still consider themselves guests, shouldn't their spouses pay extra? I find it unfair that my unmarried brother and I are paying and "treating" in-law siblings to a free meal.

Rude or Being Used?

When dividing costs of a gift or meal, each person counts as one (except for children, whose parents pay for them unless the group absorbs their cost).

It is unfair for single people to have to pay for others’ spouses unless it’s agreed that they’re being treated.

On a one-shot event, this level of squabble over $10 is pretty trivial. Couples, for example, who take out a single friend for a meal, will occasionally pick up the whole tab.

But, since family gatherings occur repeatedly, this matter should be explained clearly (not argued), early on.

Show your sister the math, especially if you and your brother find partners soon.

FEEDBACK Regarding the bride whose mother's boyfriend was a terrible wedding photographer (Dec. 21):

Reader – “Our photographer also took terrible photos. However, we were so lucky that many people took pictures at our wedding.

“We were able to get a lot of pictures just by asking around.

“If the couple asked friends and family for whatever "candid" shots they took, no matter how good or bad, they could compile a nice album of memories.

“It's easy to transfer photos to a CD or USB, or have people upload them to a website.”

Ellie – This is the kind of direct, practical solution I love to hear about from readers’ experiences.

This bride and her siblings experienced an abusive childhood, largely because of their mothers’ neglect and poor choices of boyfriends. She hasn’t changed.

By dealing with the wedding album pro-actively, the bride separates her emotions towards the couple, from her wedding and current happiness.