I live in a small town and separated from my husband a year ago when he had an open fling with the girl, a street neighbour, most known for seeing married men.

He created intense small-town chatter, telling everyone how great the sex was. I went to live with my parents. That week, my husband slept with our next-door neighbour; her husband attempted suicide. The police and Children's Aid Society got involved. Our children (whom we now share) and theirs were childhood friends.

I got so busy re-settling in another house that I didn't grieve the end of my 15-year marriage. My husband's in a full-blown relationship with our neighbour. I've become extremely angry, and deeply hurt. I've distanced myself from my husband and mostly stay home.

But, everywhere I go, I bump into him and our neighbour. Or I see them with my children and feel so hurt and disturbed. He plays the victim and can't understand why I won't talk to him or be his friend anymore. How do I move on with my life with all of this hanging over my head?

Going Crazy?

You're grieving now, and it's a good, healthy thing, because this is how you'll "move on." Start getting out of the house, for your own sake and for the children's. There's a danger of depression, and you can end up unwittingly - and unwillingly - distancing the kids through their discomfort around your sadness.

If staying in the small town is too hard to bear, consider re-locating where you and their father can still manage joint custody. You'll know better what you can handle, if you get some individual counselling during this time. It's often a needed part of the grieving process; your family doctor can refer you to the right professional.

I'm 26, female, seeing a wonderful man for several years. Early in our dating, I developed a chronic illness and am under specialists' care. Sometimes I'm bedridden; but I make the most of days when I can do things, visit friends, and see family.

My partner gets invited out by people who invite me along. I've just discovered he declines, saying I'm not feeling well, or I'm embarrassed about physical changes to myself. I hadn't known of these invitations.

So now people are saying I'm a "ghost" girlfriend, controlling him to not attend certain events. Some tell him how I can better myself  - things I already know and practice when I can.

How can I get him to stop making me his excuse, report the invitations and whether he wants to go, and stop relaying negative criticism of me? I've tried being direct, but that's not working.

Struggling

The illness is the "ghost," not you, and you're both naturally frustrated by it. Your partner's trying to be kind, though his method is ill-thought; it's likely he sometimes just doesn't want to go, would rather spend time with you, and/or doesn't want you to feel disappointed when you can't go out.

I'm sensing you're both dealing in mixed messages: HE tries to protect you, then spills negative comments from others; YOU want to know everything, but you don't like what you hear.

Tell him you both need to be direct to get through this. He's to share all the invitations; you'll go when you can, and so should he. When people offer unsolicited advice, he's to say, "We are doing everything we can to get her better," then change the topic.

I'm 16; my girlfriend and me recently broke up. We both love each other but she says she doesn't want a boyfriend-type relationship with anyone for another four years. I've told her I can wait for her. She wants to be best friends but recently she started acting like she's upset with me, though she has no reason to be.

Ellie, do I move on or fight through this and fix our relationship? I still love her very much.

Confused Teenager

Lucky you, to have found a close, loving friend who's wise beyond her years. She's trying to save you both from getting too deeply emotionally connected too soon in your ability to handle the ups and downs.

Since you've given me no other details, I have to guess that she's acting "upset" because you don't get her rational yet caring decision. If you pressure her, you'll lose her friendship, too.