Does everyone have “the one who got away”? I had a boyfriend in university. It was intense. It was tumultuous. It was passionate. But we were very, very young. It got to be too much. We broke up.
I moved away. He got into drugs. I met someone new and so did he. I got engaged. His girlfriend dumped him and married a friend of his.
I moved back. We got back together. It was intense. It was tumultuous. It was passionate. But it was too much! We broke up again.
This time I got into drugs, and he met someone new. They got married and they’ve just had a baby. Now he’s gone and I feel as though I let him get away.
How could I have let this happen?
Failure
You’re not a failure. He wasn’t “the one.” You two had to work too hard to make it work. That’s not how healthy relationships last. Also, you didn’t “let” him get away. You two broke up. Whoever initiated is irrelevant.
You asked if everyone has one of those people in their lives. I don’t know. I can tell you that many people talk about ex-loves, ex-relationships – for better or for worse. Look, there was a reason you were together with this person. At one point you loved each other. Or if you didn’t love each other, you got something out of the relationship. So, there’s no harm on reflecting back to the things that were good.
I think back on my past relationships, the good and the bad. That’s healthy and normal. Hopefully you’ve learned from this relationship and will take that information with you through to your next relationship. But you need to move on. The man is married with a child.
Reader’s Commentary Regarding the bride’s sister (Nov. 26):
“I was disheartened to read the advice given to the person navigating the absence of their sisters at their wedding due to health-related concerns. The letter-writer sought compassionate guidance, the response perpetuated harmful misinformation about COVID-19 and missed an opportunity to emphasize respect for personal health decisions.
“Suggesting that someone avoiding public events due to COVID-19 acts ‘to her own disadvantage’ is dismissive and disregards well-documented scientific evidence. COVID-19 remains a serious health threat. In October 2024, the Office of the Chief Science Advisor of Canada outlined how SARS-CoV-2, the virus causing COVID-19, is unlike a common cold because COVID-19 is pleiotropic. ‘Pleiotropic’ means that it affects most organ systems. The body of scientific evidence indicates each COVID-19 infection increases the cumulative risk of chronic illnesses, including cardiovascular disease, diabetes, autoimmune conditions, immune system damage, cognitive decline, and more. The research also shows that COVID-19 reinfection increases the cumulative risk of developing post-COVID-19 Condition (PCC, also known as Long COVID), which affects millions worldwide and counting. According to the current body of knowledge, women are at a disproportionately higher risk for PCC.
“Many infectious disease experts emphasize the importance of collaborative, protective measures like wearing N95 respirator masks (because COVID-19 spreads in the air like smoke). Staying updated with vaccinations can help reduce the risk of severe disease if we are infected.
“In the context of COVID-19, we should respect and support individuals who make choices to protect their health and the health of those around them, especially when science justifies it.”
Lisi – You misinterpreted my response. I have no issue with how anyone deals with Covid-19; it’s not my business, nor do I judge. But the letter-writer indicated that while one of her sister’s was ill, it was not the one choosing not to attend over COVID concerns. Unless you’re ill or immunocompromised, it IS possible to leave your home and attend important family events while still protecting yourself. So, yes, it is this woman’s disadvantage that she is choosing to miss her sister’s wedding.
My uncle pinches my cheeks and rubs my arm. It never bothered me, but now it does. I don’t want to hurt his feelings. He’s old and sweet. But the pinching hurts and it just feels creepy now that I’m a teenager.
What do I do?
Pinchy Uncle
Have you told your parents? I think you should start there, just so they know how you feel. Then sit down with your uncle and tell him how his pinching makes you feel. If he’s as lovely and sweet as you say, he’ll understand and stop. If he’s creepy, he won’t. But then you’ll have to get your parents involved.
I have an uncle like that. He’s old, sweet and pinchy. Once when I was little, he pinched my cheek as I ran past, and I cried out! He felt so bad he didn’t pinch me again. But it’s a sign of love from him. I’ll miss it when he’s gone.