I'm 41 and recently ended my eight-year relationship;

he's 49 and acts 69. He never wants to go out, and always sees the cup half-empty, but he's not in a depression (according to his doctor) - but he's never upbeat either.

We're still sharing our house while he finds a new place. I can afford to pay the mortgage myself, for awhile; then we'll look at the real estate market to decide when to sell. He agreed. Yet, by his still being here, he thinks I'll change my mind.

I won't. Sometimes he'll try to cuddle - we've even ended up having sex, twice - and I feel sorry for him and give in.

How can I get through this next couple of months without things getting nasty? He says I'm leading him on.

Tough Time

You ARE leading him on. That's what happens when you have sex with someone you don't want to be with anymore.

When he wants to cuddle, change the mood and scene. Read a book, go out for a walk, whatever it takes to not be sharing intimate space. (I'm assuming you're not sharing a bed, as that would just be cruel at this point).

You've figured out all the logistics from a financial view, but not from an emotional one. The fact on the ground is that you're still together. Break up this waiting period: stay with a friend for awhile; socialize and keep active with anything that avoids too many evenings alone with him.

You don't have to be mean and cold, but he deserves that you be thoughtful.

My aging father's the King of Guilt Trips. He won't contact me for awhile - too busy with his cronies - but then suddenly thinks I should've called, and harps at me.

He'll never admit he's wrong, and has never apologized to anyone his whole life. Even if he's harsh with my children - the grandchildren he "loves dearly" - he'll never say he's sorry, or explain that he woke up cranky, etc.

He's always been easily aroused to indignation. I'm his only daughter and don't know how to respond anymore. Mom died when I was a teenager, and I've since been the recipient of his outbursts.

I just want to enjoy my own family without always feeling guilty about something I did or didn't do, according to my father.

How can I handle his moods without cutting him off?

Guilt Fatigue

His behaviour's been embedded in his personality for a long time. He may even be the type who gets a kick out of stirring up everyone - especially you. It's his attention-getting gambit, and he thinks he can get away with it, because he always has.

Change your reaction to the whole dynamic. Decide on a regular time, say weekly, when you feel you can handle talking to him and/or seeing him. Be consistent.

When he doesn't call you that Thursday morning, you call him. If he's busy just cheerily say, "No problem, I'll speak to you next Thursday," (barring any emergency). When he calls and starts to chew you out, respond that you're busy now and will check in next week.

When he speaks harshly, change the subject, ask how he's feeling, see if he needs anything, and do NOT react with hurt or anger. Try to help your children handle him the same way.

The goal here is to show interest, be watchful for his well-being, but NOT get caught in the guilt trap!

Recently, at our eldest granddaughter's graduation, my ex-husband and I hugged and kissed to celebrate. We're both happily re-married but stayed close as parents and grandparents, so it felt natural without other meanings.

However, our adult children and grandkids were so excited about The Kiss, they're speculating about our "getting back together." We're both appalled; fortunately our spouses aren't over-reacting.

When do "children" get over a divorce?

Not Happening!

Divorce is never easy on children; some hold onto their "reunion dream" for years, especially if there were good times in the past, not just conflict.

Though statistically, divorce is common, it should never be underestimated how much a child's sense of security and trust gets rocked. In adult years, other disappointments can trigger that same feeling of loss, and insecurity. In future, stick to a quick hug when appropriate, and follow with a joke that dismisses any mistaken impression. Kiss your spouses.