I’m in my late-20’s, my boyfriend of four years is early 30’s; we both have good jobs and are happy. However, his mother recently asked us when we’re getting married and having children, as (she said) my biological clock is ticking.  

His other relatives ask us (regularly) when we’re going to “get on with our lives.” His two younger brothers are married, which puts a lot of pressure on us as well. When his family - and now mine - start the biological clock and marriage issues, I get frazzled and take it out on my boyfriend. He’s spoken to his mother, and we joke with our family that we’ll get “there.”

How do I deal with the constant nagging and pressure about our future?

- Fed Up

BOTH your families are bugging you, so don’t turn this into an in-law issue. It’s a matter of setting boundaries and showing that your decisions as a couple are personal, and private until you decide otherwise. 

You both need to have two responses ready: A) With closest people, one of you replies to whomever repeatedly asks (as he did with his mother), gently but effectively saying, “back off.”

B) With occasional inquisitors, the answer should be light-hearted, as in “We’ll be sure to let you know… so there’s no need to ask again.”

Now, ask yourself, why you feel so much pressure about this. My guess is that you and your boyfriend haven’t been clear with each other about the future, and you’d like an understanding of where you’re headed after these past four years. Tell him so.

My wife started a new business, and is now so busy we have to juggle everything, from who takes our son to basketball practice, to who cooks dinner, etc. 

She’s boosting our income considerably, but it’s changed our set-up without my having a say first.

- Unhinged

You’re kidding, right? At a time when so many people are struggling to stay afloat, she’s pitched in and working hard to improve the family’s finances. Yes, that means some sacrifices from you, just as she’s given up free time and familiar ways.

Adjust.

A few years ago my friend began to bug me – beginning with making fun of how I do things. Then, she compared things we have, hinting her house is cleaner, more organized etc. 

I don’t feel like I’m her friend anymore, so I started to avoid her. She’s fine in small doses, but annoying for more than an hour. I dislike her other friends; she and they act over the top.

She’s finally caught on that I never go with her anywhere, and now she’s sulking. We’ve had such a long history together (most of it was fine) that I don’t know how to tell her. I’ve tried, but she swiftly batted it away with some sentimental words and I lost my nerve.

I pride myself on loyalty to my friends, but I’m done with her. What should I do?

- Enough is Enough

You both know this friendship’s over; now exit gracefully rather than with “payback” remarks. Be too busy to chat for more than a few minutes or to get together. When she invites you along with her friends, simply say you appreciate her relationships with them, but you’d rather not join them. 

If she keeps trying to see you alone, go one more time; when she starts her put-downs, say, “I don’t feel comfortable with your remarks.” Change the topic, and avoid another encounter… unless one of life’s serious events calls on you to pay respects.

I’m 57, married with four sons, 18 to 30; I separated from my wife of 35 years, nine months ago. 

I have a girlfriend living overseas (only my brother knows).

My oldest son’s getting married this summer, in my girlfriend’s same country. Should I tell everybody about this relationship now, and ask my son if I can bring her to the wedding?

Is it too soon to go public or wrong on this occasion?

- Unsure

Do NOT use your son’s wedding to cast your relationship into the spotlight. It’s unfair, on many levels. It’s the bride and groom’s day to shine, but instead, many guests will be watching you and your lover, making judgments, gossiping, etc. 

It’s a slap in your wife’s face, on a day when she should only be enjoying her son’s happiness. The fact of the same country is a coincidence, only. Don’t let it become a disaster.