I am my husband's second wife, and I am 11 years younger than he is. During his first marriage, he saved a substantial sum of money that was reserved for his retirement. He's now retired, and using $5,000 per year to pay for his golf membership to an exclusive club (he's an avid/everyday golfer).

I still work full-time, and am planning to go on a Mediterranean cruise this summer with my friends. Because my husband isn't going (he doesn't want to), I cannot use money from our joint account to pay for this, so I'm working at another part-time job (15 hours weekly) to pay for the cruise and expenses.

I resent that he has this "extra" money to pay for his passion every year, but I am not "entitled" to use any of it to fulfill one of my dreams. Am I being unreasonable? I haven't spoken to him about my feelings, as I am unsure if I'm really entitled to any of this money (until after his death).

Conflicted

There's a murky area in your marriage when it comes to finances. Second unions do have some differences, as to what's his and hers that was accumulated beforehand.

But it would be normal generosity for your husband, who's enjoying a carefree retirement, to gift you some money towards the cruise. The fact that he'd rather have you work extra hours - and not have you for company after your regular job - speaks of division, instead of being a couple.

I believe that's where your resentment is based. Don't focus on "entitlements." Discuss how you two are going to live together happily, if you're operating as such separate individuals.

I have an amicable relationship with my mom, but I don't want her to watch my daughter when my maternity leave ends. My husband and I live 15 minutes away and she's already expressed her desire to babysit.

There are many reasons: her control issues, paranoia/irrationality, and her tendency to nitpick, which have negatively impacted my two sisters and me into adulthood.

I'd like to leave my daughter with my husband's aunt who lives further away but worry that my mother will make me feel guilty and that my father won't understand.

I've tried to address the issues with my mom and have even gotten professional help. The advice has been to put my child's needs first and keep some distance from my mom.

How do I approach telling her that someone else will be babysitting? Should I just say I don't want this to become negative, and that her granddaughter will be cared for and that's all that counts?

Difficult

If you're paying for babysitting, you might consider a neutral party, one even closer to home, so there's less chance of her feeling insulted that you chose his aunt over your own mother. But if family sitters are free, that's different.

However, the basic advice is correct: You must be comfortable regarding your daughter's benefit and your own security about her care.

Make your arrangements, and then announce them. Say to both your mom and dad that it's the best choice for you. If you need to explain to Dad privately (and if he can take it), do so.

You've already had years of difficulties with your mother. So it shouldn't be that hard for you to say your piece: that you don't want this to be negative, it's just the choice that's best for your family.

I'm middle-aged, with a same-sex partner. I talk about him as a friend. I get depressed when a friend at work asks about my sexuality, publicly. I don't want to share it.

She asks this as if to expose me. She's very probing and asks if my friend is gay. If I mention his brother, she asks, "Is he gay?" I like her, but not her constant probing.

I feel I probably must end the friendship, but how do you do it when you work with someone?

Uncomfortable

Her curiosity and insensitivity are greater than her friendship. She may think she's trying to get closer, she may even be one of those people fascinated with learning more about the gay "scene," but her probing is inappropriate, and most likely gossipy, too.

Talk less about your personal life, and change the topic when she questions you. If she persists, walk away... but act friendly otherwise.