My girlfriend and I (six years) split up recently; we broke up previously, then got back together and had our son.
This time, she said she wanted to try again soon. But, when I went there, another man was holding my son. He left shortly, and she and I didn’t speak.
She knows that I love her and want her back, but is our relationship now over for good?
- Feeling So Low
You should NOT get back together when she asks to do so. Instead, say you must get marriage counselling together. This is necessary for your son’s sake as well as yours, since she needs to explore why she gets restless and you two need to work on what is missing in the union.
Otherwise, you’ll continue to have an on-off relationship, as she knows you’ll accept that. But it’s an unhealthy situation and uncertain future for all three of you.
My long-distance fiancé of four years, and I, are planning to move in together soon.
Recently, when I saw him and his female employee together, I was bothered by their overly friendly, almost sexual relationship.
He said they’re just friends and I don’t understand the American way of relating to others (I’m a recent immigrant).
Later, I discovered that she visits him at his place, and even uses his hairbrush (her hairs were evident).
My fiancé said it’s normal American behaviour.
In my culture it’s a taboo to use other people’s personal hygiene objects, even among friends. Or is there more going on between them?
- Extremely Bothered
Two possibilities, same conclusion: 1) Even if innocent of cheating, your fiancé needs to consider your feelings, and, like you, adjust some behaviour to cultural background differences.
2) OR, your suspicions are correct, about why his employee visits his home. Most women carry a purse comb/brush, and also don’t need to fix their hair after just “visiting” their boss.
Either way, your response should be this: The friendship is too close for your comfort. Insist it be put on a more professional basis.
Hold off on moving together. You need to know this man better, and also learn the “American” way of committed relationships from talking to more people than him.
It’s pretty universally felt that engaged people need to be mutually sensitive to the others’ feelings and careful not to create distrust.
My friend since childhood and I are both 29, and live in different countries.
We see each other whenever one of us is in the other’s area. She then always reveals that she’s completely broke. I end up paying for hotels/restaurants/taxis, spending hundreds.
I make more money, but my income is modest; she’s university-educated and COULD earn more money, but chooses not to.
I’m un-educated but work hard. Yet whenever she hangs out with her other friends, I hear about their parties, dancing, going out, having fun, etc.
With me, she only wants to sit around watching TV.
I’m always disappointed in our visits.
- Need Your Insight
Get a grip on your wallet. Next time you’ll be in her country, contact her ahead. Say that you’d love to see her but can’t afford much, so would like to stay with her, and also join her at one of her parties, or clubs she normally attends.
Her excuses will probably say enough for you to decide to do something else on your own, or not visit. She’s been after free outings more than for caring friendship.
I have a good job at a large corporation; two women seated next to me are unhappy with their jobs and the company. They complain, get angry or depressed, swear, speak in their second language, and gossip about colleagues.
They see each other socially, and feed off each other.
I try to stay upbeat and positive, and don’t get involved with their complaints. But their behaviour affects my mood and my work.
- How to Handle?
Be grateful when they speak a language you don’t understand. Otherwise, say politely that while you respect their right to their opinions, you feel the opposite. Ask nicely if they can share their negative feelings away from your area.
However, if you feel this will create a bad atmosphere, consider whether it’s possible to move elsewhere (find a different reason, such as a bothersome air vent), or wear unobtrusive airplane-style earplugs to dull the sound.
Tip of the day:
Happy Hallowe’en! Safety first makes the fun far more lasting!