I recently took it to the next step with this guy that I was casually dating since October. The experience was okay but not perfect.

I think he’s a stand-up guy but sometimes I wonder if I actually like him. On paper, he’s perfect - handsome, charming, successful, and kind. But some things really bug me. He also has some issues that raise huge alarms for me. He seems conflicted with his emotions and often sends me mixed messages.

My main concern is whether I’m just passing time with him since I have no one else. Or do I actually really like him? Either way I’m constantly frustrated and wishing I was not involved!

Confused

My crystal ball must be out of batteries because I can’t get a clear picture from your vague musings - no details of which issues “alarm” you, nor examples of his “conflicted emotions.”

So let’s look at what IS clear. The sex wasn’t much, you feel no chemistry, you don’t really “get” him, and after six months you wish you weren’t involved.

It’s already over for you. He probably feels the same way. Move on.

I've been a better father than any I've seen and thought I had a great relationship with my daughter. I don't have much money but always had lots of time for her, support, love, acceptance, and encouragement.

Yet over this year, my reduced visitation time has been her doing (I think her mother’s influencing it). Finally, before she turned 13, I'd been saying how badly I felt about not getting to see her.

She kept telling me to stop talking. I got angry and said she was being “evil.”

Since then, she hasn't come for any visits (though court-ordered, I won’t force her and her mother isn't helping). I've apologized repeatedly, but she turns her head when I see her on the street.

I asked her priest to meet with us. My daughter said she’d feel uncomfortable. Before my wife and I split, when I asked the priest if he could help us with our problems, she wouldn't go either.

People have said this is natural behaviour for a girl her age, but I want to do what I should for her and don't want to miss helping her because I'm scared.

Also, despite some arguments, our situation was fantastic before.

I'd centered most of my life on her and made her feel special. I'm getting involved with other things but our relationship will never be the same now and I don't want to lose any more.

She Needs a Father

Don’t despair, Dad. There’s hope, and time ahead to connect again, IF you keep letting her know you’re available, and interested in her needs rather than yours.

However, she wants some space, for now. For young teens in separated families, this IS a natural feeling. They’re dealing with increased gender awareness, sexual information, and a great need for peer acceptance.

Many young people reject their visitation regime because they don’t want to be “different,” or miss being with certain friends. Your “evil” insult was her chance for distancing. Apologize in a letter she can keep.

Reach out in ways that’ll attract her – e.g. offer to take her and a friend to an activity they like, get tickets for some event that’s special for her. Drop the unspoken blaming of her mother. Kids detest that criticism. Counselling would help you.

I got a job right after college. I encouraged my friend to apply, but my mum disagreed, because she didn’t want anyone getting a permanent position there before I do.

My friend finally got hired. Mum overheard me giving her tips to do well.

My friend’s more qualified than I am, with two diplomas, while I have one. She’d get a job anyway. If we compete for a position, it’s our qualifications that’ll win out. Am I wrong to help her?

Unsure

Your Mum’s naturally practical, realistic, and concerned about your chances in a tight economy.

But you, happily, have a good heart, loyalty, and a positive understanding of your field. Your friend MAY advance first. However, your good character and performance can also help you get ahead.

Don’t fight with your mother over this. You’ve already been helpful. Now work on your upgrades to also be a good candidate for promotions.