I’m living in a big city, getting jaded by bad relationships, business deals gone wrong and friends/relatives who’ve taken advantage of my giving nature.
I don’t understand why people are dishonest and will say anything to get their way. I think it’s even worse when someone does it in sly, charming or seductive ways. They try and win you over and as soon as your back is

turned, in goes the knife.
It seems the only way I can protect myself is to become guarded and when I do this, I just shut down.
Do nice guys really finish last? I’m starting to think so.

- Turned Off

Nice guys need to also be wise; i.e. you must learn from your past experiences, take more time to assess people, carefully weigh views of those you trust on new business possibilities. Nice guys are entitled to do all this, and to move slowly, before plunging into relationships or deals.
As for the “sly, charming, seductive” approaches, hey, lots of people get caught once. Twice is foolish, and more times means you’re needy and careless.
Life in the Big City has many advantages, but also offers many choices, and some of these need to be studied more self-protectively. You could benefit from morale-boosting – focus on getting and feeling fit, pursue something you’ve always wanted to do but previously put off, consider learning more about yourself through a process of individual counselling.

• You can find local therapists through the Yellow Pages; ask for whether it’s short-term or long-term, their professional accreditation, and decide after two visits if you feel the person is the right fit.

I’ve always found it difficult to talk to my husband of 16 years about subjects he’d rather avoid. Example, he won’t respond to requests to do house repairs, nor hire someone else. If I want the work done, I pay the entire bill.
He doesn’t seem to enjoy time at home, with our two kids. I have to arrange any family outing and drag him along. Yet last year he went on a trip with some friends and that was his year’s highlight.
Things have gotten more stressful since his father’s passing earlier this year. He’s more sullen around the home and unavailable to the kids. I also think he’s been drinking too much, for years.
If I’m tired and go to sleep without sex, I’m going to wake up to an irritable husband. I find sex can be enjoyable too, but need feeling loved beforehand!
There are days when I’m not sure how much more I can stand, and it’s eroding my love for him.

- Frustrated in Suburbia

Alcohol is a depressant; Hubby appears to be keeping his levels high and his mood low. Add some unwanted responsibilities and the blow of losing a parent, and he sinks further. He needs professional help.
A good therapist will recognize that alcoholism is a factor, and will try to get him to accept this fact and drink less or stop. The counselling will also look at his feelings of loss and distancing.
Meantime, you should join an Al-Anon support group, to learn how other families deal with the effects of alcoholism on their relationships.
Since you still love your husband, and your children need their father, force yourself to tell him of your increasing frustration. Insist that, for everyone’s sake, you two need to pull together as partners to help him become an active, happy presence in the family.

After two years together, he wants a break, his freedom back.
I’ve already made myself vulnerable by running back to him once, and letting him look at other girls, though he knows it bothers me greatly – he comments on their breasts, if “she’s hot,” etc.
Should I move on? I still love him and never wanted to go on a break, but I’m giving him his freedom. Enlighten me please.

- Confused

Lots of men “look”… but when a guy makes comments that he knows will offend you even more than his glances, and then wants his freedom, well… let the jerk go.
He’s not in love, so why waste your time and emotions on someone who’ll always make you feel insecure? Real love includes nourishing and respecting the other, as you’ve been doing for him. You deserve the same.
Consider yourself “enlightened,” that he’s not the man for you, and move on.