My boyfriend and I are getting married; we both have MySpace profiles.
When we were separated, he kissed another girl and I saw another guy.
Now, we're back together and everything is perfect but he still has this girl on his "top friends" list on MySpace.
I told him it bothers me that she's there but he refuses to remove her, saying that it's no big deal.
He makes me feel bad for having hurt feelings about it. I know that to some people it's not a big deal, but to me it is.
He doesn't talk to this girl any more but he says she's very pretty.
When I ask why he doesn't take her off the list, he says everyone will know it was because of me.
Am I overreacting? I'll be his wife soon, so shouldn't he make me feel more comfortable?
Yes, his lack of concern for your comfort is not a good sign.
MySpace is a community which happens to be online, and the information you provide tells others all about you.
Your boyfriend is broadcasting his admiration for a girl who's no longer in his life, and you need an explanation for why he's doing this.
The "big deal" is that he's blaming you for the hurt he's causing you, which is NOT decent behaviour for a man who says he wants to marry you!
MySpace lets people know who you are and to whom you're connected. It makes me wonder: Is he hoping people will think he's more special because he has a "very pretty" girl leading his friendship list?
If so, that's a worrisome signal of both immaturity and insecurity.
If he doesn't get it, that his refusal to budge on this is an insult to you, then you need to ask yourself what it is he does get about you, and if this is the right guy for your future.
I'm 24, female, very scared and deeply disappointed in life. I don't think I'd be considered to be depressed, but the disappointment is a huge barrier on my moving forward.
The reason for my disappointment is that I'm not doing well in school. It's not like I'm not smart, I've been admitted to a medical school. But ever since school started, I feel a constant fear. I've always been a straight A student.
Now, with being surrounded by a bunch of smart brains, I feel like I'm not the best anymore. I constantly compare myself to others around me and have almost lost my motivation to study. If I'm not going to be one of the top ones, I might as well give up.
It's sad, as I always wanted to reach this point in my life but I fear that I'll never be top again.
- Sad and Disappointed
You've spent so long thinking about being the "best," to get into med school, that you forgot about being healthy in mind and spirit.
Seeking perfectionism as the only accepted goal, is a sure set-up for disappointment.
Getting a medical education is also about understanding human frailty, fatigue, and stress - all of which can come from driving yourself too hard.
I disagree with your self-diagnosis: I believe you're on the brink of depression, which can be even more destructive to your academic energy and output. So get yourself to campus Student Services and see a therapist to help you get past the mistaken belief that only being at "the top" brings success.
I've been in a relationship for one year; we get along great except for his really weird jealous streak.
He doesn't want me to go to the doctor for physicals. He doesn't want me to take off my clothes for anybody else but him.
I'm not an exhibitionist by any means but I believe in taking care of myself and that includes yearly physical examinations.
Should I go and not tell him, or should we seek counselling, or am I better off alone?
- Medically Alert
The choice you face is NOT between putting up with weird jealousies or being alone the rest of your life. There are men out there who are far less controlling.
One tactic would be to become the patient of a female doctor and watch his reaction.
If he still objects and/or places other extreme controls on your private behaviour, I'd say he's Big Trouble.
Tip of the day:
Sometimes it's the little things that signal warnings of far bigger relationship problems.