I recently decided that I needed my own space apart from my boyfriend of three years; he’s in business with relatives, who’d made our house their office, and were always around. 

Apart, we’re getting along better than ever. However, he’s opened a profile on Facebook and won’t accept my “friend” requests.

He doesn’t want me to get jealous by seeing what his “friends” are saying to him. I don’t understand why he’s hiding this from me, and not acknowledging our relationship online. This hurts my feelings.

Our mutual friends and family can see that we aren’t “friends,” and it raises questions.

I don’t know how to move forward when other girls are more important to him than his best girl.

- Rejected

Look again. YOU left the live-in arrangement, rather than find some other way to stay together. 

Your guy is protecting himself in case your “more-space” need turns into “more time to think,” etc. He’s hurt, too - by your ability to separate physically from him, so he’s also moving apart regarding privacy.

Forget the small stuff – the Facebook dispute is only a symptom – and deal with the big issue: whether you’re either IN or OUT of this relationship long-term.

If IN, then you two need to learn to compromise and resolve major problems, such as the integrity of your living space.

Either in-house office boundaries have to be set, or move it elsewhere.

I’m 20, and my boyfriend of three months still has feelings for his ex (together 18 months). She calls him just to argue and that makes us fight. 

He says he loves me but I can’t say it back because I’m uncomfortable with the situation.

I don’t want to realize when it’s too late, that I’m just the other woman.

- Second Choice?

He must stop taking her disruptive calls. His feelings may be about the memory of their better times, but he should NOT mention them again. 

You’re young, and so is this relationship – give it more time to see if real comfort and trust develops between you two.

I’ve recently reconnected and become close with a man from my past; we both had a failed marriage. However, he’s recently returned from military service overseas and has been diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). 

I first experienced one of his bad days recently - he distances himself from the world and focuses his energy on his kids, even turns off the phone.

I’ve done some reading on PTSD and I know that I’ll never understand what he’s going through.

He visits his support groups and doctors regularly.

What can I do to help him, let him know that I’m here for him no matter what? How can I encourage him to let me in during the bad days?

- Kept Aside

Ask him if you can attend a support group for families; his doctor and group will know where to direct you if he agrees. But don’t push, these are still early days in your relationship and he’s wise (and thoughtful) to not bring you into too much too soon. 

Keep doing research, and being available – he’ll come to trust you over time. Keep your compassion level higher than premature concerns about his retreating into his family.

In time, if he’s not more open, you may need couples’ counselling for him to become comfortable with sharing some of his experiences and pain, and for you to accept some boundaries.

Throughout my 30-year marriage, I’m the last consideration. 

I treat my wife well, buy her trips and gifts, but when my birthday or Christmas, comes, I don’t exist.

For our 25th anniversary I bought her a cruise and some jewellery; she bought her mother diamond earrings and me a card.

Last Christmas, I bought her another trip and she got me absolutely nothing.

I just don’t get it.

- Frustrated in Ontario

Thirty years of frustration signals more problems than missing gifts, especially over communication and the balance of power between you. 

On communication, have you voiced your feelings of being “last consideration;” and what’s been her response?

On power, who controls the money; does she have the same access as you to spending on gifts?

IF she’s ignored your feelings and hoarded her own funds, why did you continue showering her with gifts? Your own answers should lead to change.