We've been married for 10 years and have a beautiful child together.
For the past seven years, I've been having an on-again, off-again relationship with my soul-mate. We met right after I was married.
My husband is a good provider, a trustworthy man and a good father. I married him for those reasons. I love him, but not as a wife should. He's a homebody and we have nothing in common; I knew this before we married.
My soul-mate and I have lots in common - travelling, music as well as other interests. I see myself having more children with him and growing old together.
I want to leave my husband as my soul-mate wants that too.
- So Confused
After cheating on a trustworthy guy for seven years, take responsibility and decide your future, for everyone's sake.
By continuing this deceit, you're also cheating your child, of your time, presence and emotional commitment when you're off sharing confidences and intimacy with this other person.
Talk to your husband; he already knows you're distant, and won't be as surprised by the truth as you think. Yes, he'll be hurt, but continuing also hurts his chances for a better life.
Get individual counselling for yourself. Probe why you chose an escapist life rather than just leave.
Also, look closer at your lover, who may not be as perfect in a long-term relationship with an available partner as with a married woman who's supported by someone else.
A process of marital counselling may also help you weigh your options.
I currently work as a pharmacist, but recently, it's been really hard for me. I've had to deal with complaints from customers, nurses, even my co-workers and supervisors. I've always worked hard for them, coming early and leaving late, but it's never enough.
Lately, I had to take a few days off because I was so depressed and felt I was about to have a nervous breakdown! I've thought about leaving pharmacy and pursuing my passions. I've always wanted to learn musical theatre, web design and investing in stocks.
But I currently make over six figures as a pharmacist and have a lot of debts. If I go into something else, I don't know if I can pay them off, or afford my same lifestyle.
I'm in my 30s and don't know if I'm too old to pursue my dreams (at least for musical theatre, where I'm told you have to start young and it's tough to find work).
- Need Advice in Chicago
You can follow your dreams at any age, but you should approach them practically. Most important, you're overstressed by your current work situation, so you should ease up right away – e.g. take a vacation, ask to work shorter hours, consider working part-time, and/or change locales. And, while feeling so depressed, see your family doctor for treatment.
Once you're less burdened at work and feeling better, you can look into your interests. There are courses in web design, stock investment, even musical theatre, that you can investigate, just to get a taste of what's needed to get more involved.
Start slow, and don't try to change everything at once, or pursue too many avenues, as you might get overwhelmed. You always have your pharmacist license to fall back on, so even while you get drawn into a new field, you can offer to do part-time shifts to keep up your income, if necessary.
My husband and I have new friends and to my dismay when we go out to eat, they like to try each other's food.
When we have something different, they look at us as if we should be "sharing" too. I absolutely hate this "habit."
When we're asked if someone can take something from our plate to try, how do we answer “No”, without sounding mean?
- Personal Taste
Set the stage for your delivery of a firm but friendly, “No”, early: When ordering your meal, say, with humour, "I'm going to have the seared tuna, and if that sounds good to you, better order your own. As you've seen, we're not sharers!" Then laugh lightly.
And keep your eyes off their plates when they do as they please, too.
Otherwise, if their dining habits appall you, stick to seeing movies together and make sure you buy separate bags of popcorn.
Tip of the day:
A double life usually leads to double the hurt all around; it's better to choose.