My mom lies to me and it’s super upsetting. She thinks I don’t know what’s going on in the house. But I’m not stupid. First of all, I have ears and can hear my parents fighting, even when their door is closed and it’s late at night. Secondly, I can see how she’s treating my dad, and how he’s acting.
I’m pretty sure that my dad cheated on my mom and my mom found out. I don’t think my dad wants to leave, but my mom sure does want him to pay for what he did.
I know it’s not my business, but I’m also not a little kid. I’d be happier if they said something like, “We’re going through some stuff that’s private,” or something like that. But my mom just says that everything’s fine, or that dad’s not feeling well, or that he has work to do late so he’s sleeping in the basement, etc.
How can I get my mom to see that her lying is worse than the truth?
It sounds to me like you are a very bright and mature person. Your mom probably thinks she’s protecting you and that’s her natural instinct as a parent. A lot depends on your age, which you haven’t mentioned.
If your facts are straight, then your mom is probably feeling angry at your dad and the other person involved, and a host of other emotions ranging from shame and embarrassment to guilt and self-doubt. And she’s trying to hide all of that from you because it’s a lot.
If you feel that your parents are loving and supportive enough to handle it, I suggest you talk to them, together. If you have any fear or doubt that they won’t be open to your needs, then I strongly suggest you find someone outside of the home to help you.
But give your mom a break. If she isn’t someone who regularly lies, then this is a situation she is also trying to navigate and doing the best she can within the boundaries that she has set around this issue.
My daughter has just started preschool and I’m having an issue with the teachers. They sent out a form on the first day of school asking if we’d like to go back to the pre-COVID ways of group snack. This just means that one parent is responsible for bringing in snack for a week, and the kids all get the same foods.
They made it clear that it had to be a unanimous decision, which I completely understand. But while they await everyone’s answer, they’ve asked us not to send in snack, that they would have the kids covered.
It’s been four days and my daughter is hangry when I pick her up at lunch. I asked the teachers what they’re giving her for snack and the answer, “Saltines.” That’s a dry, white flour, salty cracker. Zero nutritious value and not a healthy choice for a four-year-old.
I have offered to bring in fruit, vegetables, mini yogourts, snack cheeses, anything - but they just keep telling me to be patient while they figure out the schedule.
I’m losing my patience!
Hungry, hungry hippo
Not surprising - I would too. Your daughter’s health matters more than their snack schedule, in my opinion. And you want to set her up for success in the classroom. A hungry child is unable to focus.
Yes, it’s all relative, but I’m focused on your issue. Bring in something for everyone – dairy-free, gluten free, sugar-free, nut-free, soy-free – like apples and make sure this is solved by the beginning of next week.
FEEDBACK Regarding the commentary to the dad who’s uncomfortable discussing menstrual cycles with his teenage daughter (July 4; Aug. 15):
Reader – “Your reader's response to the dad regarding his daughter's periods makes some very valid and important points.
Might I observe though that, in suggesting that the dad is 'shaming' his daughter, the writer is in turn shaming the dad.
“I believe that shaming, while it might 'work' to some degree, in the end rarely leads to positive results all around. In fact, it often only leads to heightened feelings of aggression and polarization.
“Much better to educate, inform and encourage; whereby everyone wins.
“To this dad's credit, he was concerned enough to ask for advice, allowing a great opportunity to not just enlighten and motivate him to do better, but all us readers as well!”
Lisi – Agreed. I’m not a proponent of shaming. It’s not constructive or helpful.